Inevitable
by megzz78
Summary: Alex and Piper both struggle to adjust to life outside of prison. And to life without each other. Alex is determined not to make the same mistakes twice. Piper is slowly derailing as she becomes obsessed with becoming a version of herself that she is not. Together, they realize that life outside of prison is harder than they ever could have imagined.
1. The Lovers are Losing

**Disclaimer: Don't own Orange is the New Black or any of the characters, save for the ones that I made up.**

 **AN: Well... I am completely disappointed with season 3. Piper in particular. I am confused as to why the writers thought it was such a good idea to make her such a manipulative bitch. I find myself liking her less and less every season. I had this idea in my head for some reason after watching season 3 and decided I needed to get it out (after months of writers block). It takes place roughly one and a half years after the season 3 finale. Both Piper and Alex are out of prison. Flashbacks are in italics and will explain more of what happened between Alex and Piper in between the season 3 finale and the present time. This story is going to focus more on Piper than Alex and how she adapts to life outside of prison but will definitely focus on their relationship. It might get kind of dark at times. Piper's personality will be a continuation of how she was in season 3 at first but don't worry the old Piper will be back. I have the entire story outlined but I can't promise I will be able to update as frequently as I would like due to the fact that I am very busy with work right now. The first few chapters will be about Alex and Piper separately but don't worry they will meet again soon! POV will alternate between Piper and Alex. Hope everyone enjoys. Let me know if you think it's worth continuing!**

* * *

 ** _PIPER POV_**

 _Your heart sinks when you see the brunette standing across the room from you._

 _Darkness hangs under her eyes. And it's hard not to notice the bandage on her arm._

 _Her darks eyes look empty, any sign of emotion void from inside of them._

 _You recognize this look. It's what you see whenever you look in the mirror._

" _Alex…" you draw out slowly once you reach the broken brunette. "W-what happened?" you breathe out._

 _When she doesn't respond, you feel the lump inside of your throat swell._

 _You have fucked up bad._

" _Alex please?" you plead desperately._

" _That guard… he shot me, beat the shit out of me too," she responds idly, eyes turning to dark slits of ice._

 _You don't know what to say._

 _You feel like you're suffocating, like you can't breathe._

" _I wasn't being paranoid for nothing," Alex breaks the uncomfortable silence. "Kubra hired him to kill me."_

" _B-but h-how?" You finally find your voice, which is barely inaudible, consumed by a mix of shock and fear._

" _How am I still alive?"_

 _You nod slowly._

" _Lolly saved my life," she shrugs without fail. "She heard my scream and attacked the guy as he was about to shoot me, which sent the bullet into my arm…"_

" _Oh Alex…" You sigh heavily, resisting the urge to fall apart completely. How the hell could Alex be the strong one when she'd just been shot? You reach forward and encircle your arms around the brunette, reveling in the familiar warmth. How the hell had you ever been so stupid as to think that maybe Alex wasn't the one for you after all?_

" _Don't…" Alex pushes away from your embrace, putting her hand up in between your two bodies. "I don't need you to come running back to me when shit gets real."_

" _I just…"_

" _What about your girlfriend?" she hisses with a hard expression. "Stay the fuck away from me."_

" _Stella?" You raise an eyebrow. "She's not my girlfriend… and she's in max security."_

 _You let out a small smile. Where she deserves to be._

" _Max security?" It's Alex's turn to raise an eyebrow. "So much for getting out in two days…" You can tell she doesn't want to show any interest but she'd be lying if she said she wasn't curious to know why Stella was in max security. "What happened?"_

" _She told me to trust no bitch," You smirk, lifting your arm and showing Alex a glimpse of the painful looking tattoo on your forearm that reads out 'trust no bitch' in white letters. "Little did she know, I would be one of those bitches," You smirk coldly, aware of the malicious glint shining in your eyes._

" _I don't understand…"_

" _You were right, Alex." You lament with a shrug. "I should have listened to you."_

" _I'm not following…"_

" _I'm a horrible person," you clarify. You really are a horrible person, looking back on all of this. "You were right. Her only intention was to fuck me over. And I was the stupid, naïve asshole that fell for it. Because, I'm a horrible person."_

 _Alex's look twists to one of confusion as she stares hardly at you, arms folded over her chest._

" _So, I pulled some strings and hid a shitload of contraband in her bunk," you shrug with a small smile. "Karma's a bitch, ain't it?" You look to Alex expectantly, as if you are expecting the brunette to be proud of you for being a manipulative bitch. Her being proud of you is better than her hating you, right?_

 _Alex finally speaks. "So fucking her over makes you even? You see Piper, this is exactly what I was talking about when I told you that I didn't like the person you're becoming."_

 _That hurts._

" _Alex… I don't…" Why are you always at such a loss for words when it comes to the woman before you?_

" _I've already told you this once, and I'll say it again. You're a manipulative cunt."_

 _You feel your heart plunge as the words leave her mouth. This time they don't seem so sexy coming from the brunette. They aren't meant to fuel the fire this time._

" _Maybe, I should go," you whisper brokenly. You really do feel like a manipulative cunt. Alex is the one who almost died, yet here you are, being the selfish one._

" _Wait."_

 _You turn around. A shred of hope develops as she speaks the word._

" _Before you go, can I ask you something?"_

 _You swallow the lump that gathers in your throat and nod slowly, folding your arms across your chest and the expression in your blue orbs softening._

 _Staring back at you are stormy dark green orbs. At least there is some emotion in her eyes now. Anger is an emotion after all._

" _Did you fuck her?"_

" _No." You answer confidently as if you are holding onto the stretched fabric that remains of your relationship. "We kissed, that's it."_

" _Did you kiss her before or after I broke up with you?" Alex questions. She gives you a look as if to say, 'I shouldn't have to question our relationship, yet here I am'._

 _The words ring out a cold, harsh reality. Of course in all of this, you've almost forgotten that you did cheat on Alex. You kissed Stella before Alex had ended things with you._

 _You are a cheater. The one thing you promised yourself you'd never become._

 _Not after witnessing your father's infidelities. Not after seeing the pain in your mother's eyes._

 _You are a horrible person. You've committed the worst sin. And you have hurt the one person that you love the most._

 _How can you even live with yourself right now?_

 _You breathe out a heavy sigh. You could lie and tell Alex that it happened after, or you could tell the truth. It's easier to lie and not have to bear the weight of knowing that you will completely break Alex if you tell the truth._

 _But for once, you want to do the right thing. Even if the right thing is painful for you to admit. Even if it shatters the world of the woman standing before you._

" _Both," you answer quietly, closing your eyes momentarily. You wish you could escape right now. You've never felt so small before. You know that you deserve to be slapped right now._

" _Fuck," Alex mutters, raising an eyebrow in amusement. "I underestimated you Pipes. Never would have pegged you as a cheater."_

 _She can't possibly be okay with this?_

" _Alex. How can you be so cool about this?"_

" _I'm not cool about this Piper. Don't let me fool you," Alex responds, emerald eyes suddenly darkening as the pain of your sins hit her like a wave. "I trusted you. I thought things were going to be different this time. I apparently expected too much of you."_

 _You hang your head in shame. You have let her down… again._

" _Alex I'm so sorry."_

" _Are you really Pipes?" She questions, eyebrow arched. "Because, I don't think this version of you is capable of feeling those kinds of emotions._

" _Alex that's not fair."_

" _Not fair?" Alex chuckles bitterly, rolling her eyes in disgust at you. "No Piper, you cheating on me is not fair, you're just too self-centered to see it!"_

 _You were too self-centered to see it at the time._

 _Right now, you would give anything to take that moment back, and all of the moments after that._

 _Silence consumes you and your ex-lover. Her eyes bore into yours; wrapped in a coldness that screams pure distaste for the careless actions of your doing._

" _Why did you do it? Was I not enough for you?"_

 _Of course, she was enough for you. Alex Vause was always enough for you. In fact she was more. You never deserved to be loved by someone like Alex Vause._

" _I… I don't know."_

" _Bullshit…" escapes the soft pillows of her lips. You almost forget. She knows you._

" _Fine," Your expression flashes to one that resonates anger. "Since we're just throwing everything out on the table, I guess the truth can't hurt… You were acting so indifferent lately because you were so wrapped up in the fact that you thought Kubra sent someone to spy on you. And I was feeling…"_

" _Lonely?"_

" _Yeah." You swallow slowly, guilt instantly consuming you. How could you have been so insensitive?_

" _Of course… That's so like you Piper. You just couldn't stand the thought of being alone, could you?"_

" _Well, Stella was at least paying attention to me. My own girlfriend didn't even seem to care about what was going on with me."_

" _Well, I guess you got what you wanted then," Alex answers simply, coldly._

" _No I didn't."_

 _Alex sharply raises an eyebrow._

" _When I kissed Stella, I knew she wasn't the one."_

" _Oh yeah. How'd you know that?" Alex feigns interest._

" _Because she wasn't you."_

 _The minute your lips collided with Stella's you knew that she wasn't your soulmate. No, she was just simply a footnote, like Larry and all the others before her, in the greatest love story to ever be told._

" _Piper you can't…" Alex puts up her resolve again. "You can't say those things to me now. Not after everything that you've done. I know I've done some fucked up things but I've never cheated on you, ever!"_

" _Haven't you ever kissed someone and had it mean completely nothing to you?"_

" _Of course I have." Alex nods her head in agreement. "But if it didn't mean anything to you, you wouldn't have continued doing it!"_

" _I felt you slipping away from me Alex. And there was nothing that I could do about it! It was just easier to try and fill the empty void in my heart with the affection of someone else."_

 _After you say that, you realize how stupid it sounds, and mentally kick yourself._

" _Oh, it was easier? Easier that coming to me, your girlfriend at the time, and telling me how you were feeling?" Alex yells, fire flaring inside of her. "That's really fucked up Pipes!"_

" _You wouldn't have understood Alex! You were so wrapped up with the whole Kubra out to kill you thing!"_

" _And when people love each other, they stick by one another's side," Alex points out bitterly. "I had every right to be paranoid," she points towards her shoulder with a hiss. "But, you were just off being typical selfish Piper!"_

 _Tears are brimming in both of your eyes now as you stand coldly across from one another, blue eyes meeting green with the harshest of looks._

" _You're right Alex," You admit, finally breaking the silence. "I was being selfish, like always. And now, I have to live with the fact that I just ruined the best thing that has ever happened to me because of my own weakness."_

" _I'm not falling for your stupid speech this time," Alex shakes her head violently. "I've bought it twice already. You broke my fucking heart when you left me in Paris all of those years ago but I never got over you and when we met again in this hell-hole, I gave in to you when you came running to me with your desires. And I was so fucking stupid for falling into your trap. When Larry chose Polly over you, I was there yet again to pick up the fucking pieces. And now… you expect me to be there again. No, I'm fucking done," Alex shakes her head, allowing the tears to fall from her eyes and weaken her resolve. "I will not be there for you this time. I will not allow you to stomp on my fucking heart again because you are too afraid of being alone. And I will not allow myself to feel that way about you again. You made your bed, now you have to lie in it and you need to live with the decision that you've made. I'm done being your doormat."_

" _Al…" You don't know what to say. For once, you are completely speechless._

 _You look deeply into her eyes and you know that this time Alex isn't coming back._

 _You've lost her._

" _People who love each other aren't supposed to hurt each other like we do," she responds as calmly as she can muster. This is just as hard for her as it is for you. You know that._

" _But…" You can barely keep yourself together as you feel the one person that you can't live without slipping away from you. "We were supposed to be Alex and Piper, the prison's greatest love story."_

" _Sometimes even the greatest love story isn't meant to be." Alex responds. "Now it's my time to set you free."_

 _She gives you a ghost of a smile before she turns her back and saunters away._

 _There's an old saying; "If you set it free and it's meant to be, it'll come back to you."_

 _Sacrifice is the greatest act of love. It took you awhile to realize it. But Alex has made many sacrifices when it comes to you. And this time she had to do what was right for her._

 _The pain rips through your heart and courses through your body violently. You fucking hate Alex Vause. But you can't blame her for leaving. This was your fault._

 _End Flashback_

 _xxx_

You replay this moment over and over again in your head, like a film reel on repeat, playing the same clip time and time again.

It's been almost 6 months now. 6 months since you were set free from Litchfield. 6 months since you've seen the one person that was always there to help you breathe, to help you live.

You know that Alex is probably out by now too. Her release was set shortly after yours had been.

The last year that you'd spent in Litchfield had been hell; pure torture.

Alex had hardly spoken a word to you.

She passed by you in the halls, in the dining room, in the bathroom, without so much as a look.

It was like you stopped existing.

Every time you would try to find your voice, you couldn't.

Somehow, you learned how to survive without each other.

"You've got to get over this!" you scream out loud to yourself.

The more you blamed yourself for your careless actions, the harder it became to cope with your situation; to cope with the fact that life outside of the prison walls is much harder than you've ever imagined. You don't have one friend left, you are alone in a shitty apartment with some roommate you have absolutely nothing in common with, and a shitty job on top of that.

Your eyes cut over to the clock beside the bed. The numbers 5:16 AM blink in harsh red, taunting you. How is it possible that you haven't even slept yet?

Habitually, you reach for the small bottle beside your bed and take 3 of the small white pills, dumping them into your mouth, and swallowing the contents with a swig of water.

Maybe sleep will overcome you. Maybe it won't.

You're tired of playing this stupid waiting game.

You're tired of it all.

* * *

 **ALEX POV**

" _Hey Alex…"_

 _You recognize that face instantly._

 _Fuck._

 _This is not how you'd imagined that you would die._

" _Please?" you beg. Your voice is barely audible and fear gathers in the depths of your emerald orbs. "Don't…" you choke out pitifully, almost inaudibly. You need to do everything in your power to prolong this._

 _Your life depends on it._

" _You should know by now not to fuck with Kubra."_

" _He's already stolen so much of my life," you beg as you close your eyes momentarily, knowing that your life is about to come to an end._

" _You should have taken your girlfriend's lead and lied," he gives you a narcissistic smirk before lifting the gun and pointing it at your face._

 _If you hadn't already lost all of your power, you have now._

 _You scream in horror as he lifts the trigger, aiming straight between your eyes._

 _Then it goes black._

 _End Flashback_

 _xxxx_

You scream in horror as you shoot awake, your body shaking uncontrollably. You feel a tear fall slowly from the corner of your emerald eyes.

You realize that you are fine.

You are at home. In your bed. Unharmed.

"Fuck," you groan loudly as you lean back against the pillows and run your hands tiredly over your face.

It's been almost a year and a half since the incident happened, yet it haunts you every time that you close your eyes. The only difference is, Lolly doesn't come to the rescue following your scream of terror and force the bullet to lodge into your arm instead. In your dreams, the bullet shoots right through you, taking the gift of life from you in one single violent moment.

You kick your legs over the side of the bed, allowing them to drop to the floor with a soft thud, trying to shake the image of your body lying in a pool of your own crimson blood from the corner of your mind.

You walk over to the window and peak between the blinds, your eyes surveying the area outside of your apartment.

You don't see the van that used to sit outside your house and stalk your every move before Kubra was extradited anymore.

But, you still can't help but shake the feeling that someone is watching you. That even though Kubra is locked away and the guard that shot you is also locked away, they still have someone watching over you.

Deep down you know that you are safe and that nobody is watching you.

But, you are so tortured by the horrific memories of what happened to you, that you can't even close your eyes without feeling a sense of paranoia kick in.

This fucking sucks.

You fall back into your bed, tiredly rubbing your eyes.

Suddenly, you think of _her._

You hadn't thought of her in months.

Yet these past few days, she's been on your mind a lot.

It's infuriating.

But, you find yourself subconsciously wishing she was occupying the cold sheets next to you. You find yourself wishing you could tangle your hands in her long blonde locks. You find yourself wishing you could feel her lips on yours; her skin pressed against yours... her eyes...

Wait a fucking second. You shake your head violently from side to side.

You are aren't supposed to be thinking about her at all.

You've moved on. Right?

You try to convince yourself that you've indeed moved on.

But you find yourself thinking of her... of that letter you ripped to pieces.

 _You lay on your back, staring up at the ceiling, a blank look canvassing your face._

 _God, you hate this place._

 _"Vause!" a voice barks, collecting you from your thoughts. Officer Bell stands at the foot of your cubicle._

 _"Can I help you?"_

 _"Drop the attitude," Bell rolls her eyes at you. "You're getting out Vause."_

 _You look at Bell dumbfounded. You're getting out of this place, finally!_

 _It's been one week since Piper left after serving her sentence._

 _And now it's your turn. Apparently._

 _"I'm getting out?"_

 _"Tomorrow morning," Bell clarifies for you. "Pack your stuff and say your goodbyes." She offers you a small smile, turning her broad shoulders._

 _"Wait."_

 _She turns around expectantly._

 _"Why?"_

 _"I don't know," Bell shrugs rigidly. "I just give the orders."_

 _The last year you've spent in prison, you've been on your best behavior, staying out of any drama and keeping to yourself. You're informed later that night that you are being released on good behavior._

 _As you lay on the hard bed for the last night, you look around, and come to the conclusion you never thought you would. You are going to miss this place._

 _You'll miss Nichols, who has easily become your best friend. You'll miss Lorna and all of her funny stories. You'll miss Red and her motherly presence. You'll miss Taystee and Poussey and their hilarious posse, you'll miss Crazy Eyes and her well... craziness. Hell you'll even miss Pennsatucky and the other meth-head bible-thumpers and their shenanigans. But most of all you'll miss her. Even though you haven't been acknowledging Piper's existence, even though she broke your fucking heart, that doesn't mean you don't miss her like hell. That doesn't mean that being here doesn't resemble comfort and familiarity for you._

 _Now you'll never get to see Piper. Now you'll actually have to move on._

 _You don't want to read the letter that sits beside your bed, taunting you. You'd planned on ripping the thing up._

 _Piper's a free woman. You're going to be a free woman in the next 8 hours. It couldn't hurt right?_

 _Your fingers slowly caress the edge of the envelope before ripping it open._

 _Piper had slipped this letter into your cubicle before she left a week ago._

 _"Please read it," she whispered so quietly, almost inaudibly, as she looked at you with pain-filled eyes._

 _You take a deep breath and allow your eyes to scan over the piece of stationary._

 ** _Dear Alex,_**

 ** _I know it's been hard. This last year, I mean. For you, and for me. I hate seeing you everyday and knowing the pain that I caused you. Knowing that I singlehandedly ruined this relationship. I'm getting out tomorrow. I know you'll still be here for awhile but I just wanted you to know that I never meant to hurt you. I'm a horrible, selfish person who can't seem to not hurt the ones I love. What happened with Stella was the biggest mistake I've ever made in my entire life. I'm not asking for forgiveness or for you to even speak to me again. I just wanted you to know that I love you. That I never stopped. Even when I was with Stella, I was always thinking of you in the corner mind. I know that I may never see you again. But, I hope our paths cross again some day. You deserve to be happy Alex. Happier than I could have ever made you. I genuinely hope you find that happiness one day. But, I also hope that you don't forget about the good times that we had together. And when you look back on this relationship, I don't want you to only remember the bad shit. I'm sorry that love was not enough to keep us together this time, I truly am. I hate myself for what I've done to you Alex, you never deserved any of it. And I also hate myself for still loving you, even after all this time._** ** _Inevitable. That's what you'll always be to me. I love you Alex. And I probably always will._**

 ** _Love, Piper_**

 ** _xoxo_**

 _Fuck her._

 _The tears are rolling down your face like a waterfall. You aren't supposed to cry like this. You are supposed to be the strong one._

 _What had prison done to you?_

 _What had Piper done to you?_

 _You take the letter in your hands, a million thoughts running through your mind. You could keep it. You could also rip it up._

 _Your heart tells you to keep it._

 _Your head tells you to rip it up._

 _Your head always seems to win these days._

 _You feel your heart wrench at the betrayal of the blonde that was supposed to love you, not hurt you._

 _How could she do this to you?_

 _You tear that letter up into a million tiny pieces._

 _Broken. That's what it is now._

 _Just like you are._

 _End Flashback_

* * *

 **PIPER POV**

Tiredness gathers in your eyes as you clock out, grabbing your coat and throwing it over your body.

"Will you be home tonight?" you hear a voice call out from behind you. "Maybe we can have a movie marathon or something?"

You turn and look at Sam, your roommate, and then shake your head. "Sorry. I'm going out after work. Maybe some other time," you smile weakly.

You like Sam, you really do. But, you just haven't clicked. You're grateful to have someone help you pay the bills since you make a pretty crappy wage as a waitress but in retrospect, she has absolutely nothing in common with you. You appreciate that Sam has attempted to make the time to get to know you and the old you would have jumped at that chance. But not this version of you; not the woman who will desperately push away anyone that tries to be so much as her friend.

"Yeah. Maybe some other time." You don't miss the disappointment that clings to Sam's voice as she matches your weak smile and throws you a little wave, followed by a see you later.

The truth is that you don't have any plans. You never do. You just don't want to feel suffocated inside of the crappy apartment that you now call home.

So, you head to the little bar down the street instead. The alcohol will keep you company. And if you're lucky, maybe you'll find someone to keep your bed warm too.

xxxx

"Margarita please," you call out in typical fashion as you slide onto a bar stool.

You take a moment to look around the little dive bar as you wait for your drink. You smile inwardly to yourself, half expecting the familiar voice to drift from behind you and say "it's a little cold out for a margarita, don't you think?"

But then you snap back to reality. You haven't heard that voice in months. And you probably never will.

When the cold beverage is placed in front of you, you take a long much-needed sip. It doesn't take long for you to finish the margarita… or the next one after that.

You move on to something stronger next time; a rye and coke. Double.

After you've finished downing the fifth one, you start to feel a certain numbness; a feeling that you've become all too accustomed to.

"I'll take a Corona, please, with lime." You hear a voice that sounds vaguely familiar call out to the bartender.

"Who the fuck orders a Corona?" you mutter bitterly.

"Excuse me?"

You turn to your left and see a woman about the same age as you with dark eyes and long blonde hair blinking at you in surprise.

"Sorry," you mutter apologetically, picking up your glass and downing the contents. "Another double rye and coke please," you shoot the bartender your infamous smile and bat your blue bambi eyes as he hands the mystery woman her beer.

"You've got it," he smiles at you warmly.

"Piper?" you hear the woman beside you whisper, an undertone of shock tainting her voice. "Piper Chapman?"

"How do you know my name?" you turn to the woman, your eyes narrowing suspiciously.

"You probably don't remember me. But, I certainly remember you." The woman gives you a warm smile. "Natalie Anderson. We went to high school together."

You ponder for a moment and then suddenly the lightbulb clicks on. Of course… You and Natalie had been friends in high school. Your parents had run in the same social clique. She had been one of those popular WASPY girls, much like you had.

"Oh yeah." You nod, feigning interest. "Hey."

"Well, I certainly didn't expect to see Piper Chapman like almost twenty years after high school, sitting in a dive bar downing double rye and cokes, with a horrible looking tattoo of the phrase "trust no bitch" on her arm." Her eyes glace towards the tattoo on your arm with a calculating look.

Who the fuck is she to judge you?

"Judge away," You shrug carelessly, without a single ounce of emotion. "I could care less."

"I just have to wonder what could go wrong in a person's life to make them get a tattoo like that and drown out their obvious sorrows in a bar like this."

She always was a bitch.

"You don't know me," You glare, taking a long swig of your drink and violently wiping the stray liquid from your mouth. "Nobody does."

"So…" Natalie looks at you expectantly. "What happened to you?"

"I didn't exactly turn out to have the cookie-cutter life everyone expected me to have," You shrug obviously, bitterness tainting the harshness of your words. "I bet you have a stellar job, live in the suburbs with your perfectly rich husband in one of those McMansions, and two little Natalie Juniors running around."

"Close," Natalie smiles. "3 little Natalie Juniors running around. My husband is a lawyer. I'm an accountant. And we live in a pretty nice house just outside of the city."

"Must be nice," You attempt to smile. "I almost had that life."

"So, what the hell happened to you?" she asks again blankly. "What stood in your way from 'almost' having that life?" she air quotes the word almost.

"I don't want to bore you with my story," You slur, almost finishing your drink and calling for another, as you wave Natalie off with your hand.

"Please?" Natalie gives you a look, shooting an ash eyebrow up in question. "I'm intrigued."

"Well since everything is pretty much out on the table, guess it can't hurt," You shrug again, slamming your empty glass down on the countertop of the bar. "I graduated from Smith College with a nice degree. My parents planned for me to get a good job, become like my older brother Danny, the doctor. But that never happened," you laugh bitterly.

"Well then what did happen?" Natalie leans forward, clearly interested in the details of your incredibly fucked up life. Like it's any of her business.

"I fell in love," you attempt to smile but instead find yourself becoming bitter as you recall the details of your early life. "I was 23 and I was dumb. I just wanted to feel special and bad. I met Alex and we had this instant connection. But she had her own demons… She was an importer for an international drug smuggling cartel."

"She?" Natalie raises an eyebrow at you skeptically. "You were a lesbian?"

You don't miss the judgement in Natalie's tone as she whispers the final word… much like your mother had when she found out. Typical WASP.

"Still am," you wriggle your eyebrows at Natalie jokingly. "I tell you that I fell in love with someone who works for an international drug cartel and all you get out of that is 'you were a lesbian?'" You laugh. "Seriously?"

"Sorry." The woman beside you blushes profusely. "That was rude. I was just so shocked to hear that you swung that way."

"Alex was very dangerous," you continue sourly. "She was beautiful, mysterious, smart, alluring even. We dated for almost five years, traveling the world together, living this great life. We were so in love…" you smile dreamily as you think back on the dangerous love affair that you and Alex had tumbled into all of those years ago.

"What happened?"

"I left her in Paris," You respond brokenly. "I couldn't handle the fact that she was a drug dealer and it was ruining everything good in her life. I woke up with the realization that I wasn't 23 anymore and I had to start making a life for myself." You finish slowly. "But, before that, I fucked up bad. I carried a suitcase full of drug money for her. I told her that I'd never do it again and I knew that I had to get out before she ruined my life too."

"Wow," Natalie lets out a low whistle as she orders another drink. "That's crazy! I can't believe you, Piper Chapman, fell in love with an international drug dealer and carried a suitcase of drug money."

"It's not just some fucking story that I tell people, okay?" You hiss venomously. "That was my life. That shit that Alex and I did, that was my fucking life." You hate it when people pass it off like it was just some phase in your life.

Natalie shoots you a look and slowly nods her head as if to signal that she understands. "So what happened next?"

"I moved back to the States, got a job as a public advisor, met this great guy named Larry, started to really re-build my life," you smile as a wave of nostalgia washes over you for the life that you almost had. "Larry asked me to marry him… things were supposed to be perfect."

"And then?" Natalie asks expectantly with the raise of an ash eyebrow.

"I end up in prison."

Natalie nearly chokes on her drink. "Y-you went to prison?" she blinks in surprise.

"Alex named me as one of the people who carried money in the cartel," You shrug. "She totally fucked me over. So yeah, I was sentenced to 15 months in a federal penitentiary. It wouldn't have been so bad if I hadn't ended up getting an additional year or so added to my sentence when I lied at the king pin of the cartels trial."

"Why'd you lie?"

"I did it for love."

Silence lingers over the two of you for a minute.

"Shit Piper. You've done some fucked up things."

No shit Sherlock.

"Thank you," You snap at the woman sarcastically. "Alex and I went to the same prison. I'm human; I have needs, so I cheated on my fiancé with Alex. We started this affair in jail and I stupidly fell for her again. But, I chose Larry over her because I needed to have that stability in my life."

"So, you ended up with Larry? I'm confused…"

"No, Larry ended up with my best friend from college, Polly. In my absence, they just sort of fell in love, I guess. Then Alex got out of jail after she convinced me to lie at the trial, and she told the truth. I was pissed at her. So, when she told me that she was skipping town, I had Polly call her probation officer and she ended up back in jail."

"Well I can see you're still a manipulative bitch," Natalie laughs a little as she takes a sip of her beer.

"Funny, Alex used to call me that," You mutter bitterly. "Except she used cunt instead of bitch."

"Charming."

"Yeah."

"So what ever happened to this Alex person?"

"We started dating again after she returned to prison. It was amazing and I was finally so happy after feeling so empty for so long. But, she was convinced that her old boss had hired someone to spy on her in prison and she started drifting away," you shrug. "We just kind of fell apart and then I met Stella…"

"Stella? I was really starting to root for you and Alex," Natalie groans as she sets her beer bottle down. "Then you go and fuck it up!"

Tell me about it. You were rooting for you and Alex too.

"I was stupid," You admit. "So fucking stupid. But, I let myself stray from Alex and I cheated on her with Stella, once. Alex broke up with me because she didn't like the person that I'd become and I tried to move on to Stella because I was so fucking lonely without Alex. Well that and prison had turned me into this awful person. Anyways, Stella totally fucked me over. But before that, she gave me this tattoo," You points towards your arm. "She told me to 'trust no bitch' and I made sure that she got what she deserved… framed her for having a bunch of contraband in her prison bunk and she ended up in maximum security."

Natalie just looks at you as if to say 'what the fuck?' It's kinda funny actually. Just hearing yourself tell the story of your life, you realize how fucked up it all sounds. It doesn't even sound real. And honestly, you can't even believe this is your life.

"So what happened to Alex?"

"She stopped talking to me. And as far as I know, she was released from prison shortly after me, which was roughly six months ago."

"Fuck," Natalie looks at you with wide eyes and shakes her head. "You should write a damn book or something. That is some shit, you've been through."

"That was my life Natalie," You respond flatly. "It's not some fucking book."

Even though you have to admit, it would probably make a fucking good book.

Natalie finishes chugging down the contents of her beer. "I've got to get home," she responds, glancing at her watch. "It was nice seeing you again Piper," she forces an awkward smile. "I hope you figure your shit out," she finishes, before dropping some money on the bar and exiting.

"Yeah, I hope so too…" You draws out to yourself, slumping further in the bar seat, as she leaves.

When you think back on all of it, Natalie is right; your life was incredibly fucked up; _is_ incredibly fucked up.

But where do you go from here? How the fuck are you supposed to rebuild your life, when this is all you have?

You always imagined that Cal would be the family fuck-up, yet now you find yourself being the one that everyone walks on eggshells around. Your parents tell people that you spent some time in Africa on a peace corp. mission because they don't want to face the fact that their prodigal daughter ended up being a total fuck-up and going to prison with her drug importing, lesbian ex-lover. But they were right. All of them. You are a fuck-up.


	2. Everybody's Changing

**ALEX POV**

It is nights like these that you dread.

The bar is painfully dead.

You like excitement and action. You thrive off of it.

You let a heavy sigh escape your lips as you lean against the bar and chuckle at something on the TV in the background.

"Look alive!"

You groan at the sound of the familiar voice and roll your emerald eyes. "Look what the cat drug in." A small smile tugs at the corner of your lips as the bushy-haired woman flops onto a stool.

"The usual," she smirks at you knowingly.

You may act annoyed to see her. But truth be told, you enjoy the times when the two of you hang out. It reminds you of Litchfield. It reminds you of comfort.

You turn and grab Nicky's beer from the cooler, cracking the top open, and setting it on the counter in front of your friend.

"What brings you here?"

You are always happy to see Nicky Nichols, who had just been released from prison about one month ago.

"Thought I'd keep you company," Nichols shrugs as she takes a long sip of her beer. "Talk to Chapman yet?" she wriggles an eyebrow suggestively.

You hate it when she brings Piper up.

"Fuck off," You growl in a low voice. Two can play at this game. "Talk to Morello yet?"

"Touché," Nichols smirks as she takes another swig of the liquid in front of her and gently sets it down on the counter. "Look Vause, you either need to fucking talk to Chapman or find someone else to keep your bed warm, cause you seem miserable now that you ain't gettin' any."

She's such a class act, really.

"Eat a dick."

"I don't like dick," Nichols smirks with the sharp raise of her eyebrows. "In case you forgot."

You smile and let out a soft chuckle. "So how is life outside of prison treating you?"

"Not gonna lie, I miss it sometimes."

"Me too."

You miss it like hell sometimes. You miss _her._

Silence hangs between the two of you as you hand another customer a drink.

"I miss the familiarity of it, you know?" Nichols murmurs, a pang of nostalgia twisting in her voice. "I was in there for so long that those people became my family and it's just different you know, not getting to see them every day."

"Yeah it's weird," You nod your head in agreement. "Not eating Red's food every day, not hearing Crazy Eyes have those epic freak-outs. Hell it's even weird not hearing Pennsatucky praise Jesus or some shit."

"And not seeing Chapman every day in the shower?" Nichols kinks an eyebrow suggestively as she takes a swig of beer, finishing off the contents in the bottle and shoving it towards you.

 _Here she goes again._

You shoot her a glare as you collect the empty bottle and turn to retrieve Nichols a new one. "With Piper and me, it was more than just fulfilling a human need, okay? I loved her. And then she fucked me over." Your eyes turn to ice as you push the bottle towards Nichols

"The best ones always do," Nichols chuckles as she presumably thinks about her own experiences with Lorna.

* * *

 **PIPER POV**

Your feet ache painfully and you find yourself out of breath when you finally reach the door. You groan as you slide the key in the lock and push the door to your apartment open. Your shoes are instantly kicked off and your purse and jacket are carelessly discarded on the table just inside the door.

You feel almost like you're on autopilot; living your life one day at a time, feeling more miserable with your life with every passing day.

You drop the pile of mail on your countertop and grab the bottle of wine from the fridge, pouring yourself a generous glass. You take a sip and let out a long sigh. You _almost_ forgot how good the stuff tasted. And you really need it after another shitty day.

You pick up the mail on the counter, eyes scanning through it. "Don't want that, don't want that," you mumble, discarding junk mail and random flyers into the trash can. There are a few bills in the mix, which you set aside in the "I'll deal with this shit later" pile.

A shiny blue and gold envelope catches your eye amidst the sea of boring white paper. "The fuck," you mutter to yourself, scooping the envelope up and gently running your fingers along the edge. You instantly recognize the loopy handwriting that belongs to your former best friend; the betrayer.

 _Seriously?_ The fucking nerve Polly has trying to write you a letter after everything she's done. Anger and ice course through your veins and your blood boils with rage. Fuck Polly and fuck her stupid letter.

You're angrily about to add the stupid letter to the pile of junk mail in the bottom of the trash can, when something inside of you stops.

Why the fuck would Polly write you a letter after months of nothing and in a fancy gold and blue envelope of all things? Polly had tried writing you in prison after the whole Larry thing blew up in your face. After months of trying and no replies from you, she eventually gave up, and the letters stopped coming. So, why now?

You tear the letter open with your fingers and close your eyes momentarily before pulling the letter out.

But, it's not a letter.

It's an invitation.

To Larry and Polly's fucking wedding.

"Fuck no!" You bite your lip hard and narrow your eyes angrily. What the fuck is wrong with these people? Let's just break your heart and then send you a fucking invitation to our wedding after all the shit that we have done. Do either of them even have a fucking soul?

"Are you alright?" A small voice, filled with genuine concern breaks you from your angry thoughts.

"I'm fine," You bite out bitterly, tearing the invitation to tiny remnants that now resemble your relationship with Polly. You discard the broken pieces into the trash can, letting them fall from your fingers like confetti. "Just fine."

"Rough day?" Sam questions, nodding towards the trashcan and the almost empty bottle of wine that now rests on the counter.

"Just a regular day," You shrug as you grab the bottle and take a violent swig from it.

"Wanna talk about it?"

"No."

"Wanna get wasted then?"

 _That's more like it._

"Fuck yeah," you grin finishing off the bottle of wine. "How about that new club down the street?"

"Just give me a few minutes to get myself looking presentable," your roommate chuckles, skipping out of the kitchen.

You groan loudly as your eye catches sight of the stupid ripped up wedding invitation in the trashcan. Tonight you're going to forget; forget about how much more complicated life is outside of prison.

* * *

 **ALEX POV**

"I hate Lorna," Nicky Nichols growls lowly, polishing off yet another bottle of beer. You've lost count after ten.

"I hate Piper," you agree icily in return.

"You're just about done right?" Nichols asks, glancing at the clock hopefully.

"Yea, Dan should be here soon to relieve me."

"Excellent," Nichols lips curl into a Cheshire Cat-like grin.

It's never a good sign when Nichols has that look on her face.

"Why are you getting that look Nichols?" You raise a dark eyebrow in question. Nichols just continues to look at you with the same damn look on her face and it clicks. "Oh fuck, no," you shake your head profusely. "I am not going out drinking with you! I'm going home to have a nice hot bath, maybe a glass of wine, and read my book."

"Quit being such a pussy Grandma," Nichols glares at you. "We are going out and getting good and drunk. We are going to forget about those bitches that broke our hearts and find some nice pieces of ass to take home and fuck senseless."

"No."

"Bush woman over here is right." A voice echoes as a man slips behind the bar and tugs his coat off, hanging it up on the rack behind him. "Go have some fun Vause. You deserve it."

"The man has spoken," Nichols slurs slightly, standing up from her spot at the bar. "Let's go!"

Dan looks at you and gives you a nod of the head. "Go."

The older bartender always knows best.

Your head is telling you no.

Your heart is telling you yes. It's easier to forget.

Your heart wins this time.

"Ugh," you groan, grabbing your leather jacket and tugging it on. "One drink Nichols that's it." You hold up one finger to indicate that you are not going crazy tonight. Nichols clearly has other plans.

You light up a cigarette and take a long drag as you both tumble into the warm New York night. "Where are we headed to?" you raise an eyebrow at Nichols.

"There's a new club that just opened not too far from here. I heard about it from a friend the other day. Supposed to be rad and I bet there'll be lots of good ass there."

You nod. As if you have any other choice.

Nichols is full of bad ideas. And you are always along for the ride it seems.

* * *

 **PIPER POV**

Music pounds the walls of the club. Bodies are crammed together tightly as people dance and grind on one another. You used to enjoy nights like this and the old you would have been out there on the dancefloor having fun.

This version of you however, is tucked away in the corner on a barstool, nursing a tall double glass of rye and coke, watching the club-goers bitterly.

Your roommate is off dancing with someone she just met, while you drink away your sorrows.

Your new favorite thing to do.

Self-medicating, you call it.

"Gin and tonic please," you hear an almost familiar husky voice call out beside you, instantly breaking you away from your tortured thoughts.

It's impossible, you think to yourself. But that voice… it sounds just like… _her._

You turn to your left and see a tall woman standing beside you. Long jet black hair cascades down her shoulders and her smouldering dark eyes are focused on the drink in front of her. She's wearing a leather jacket, tight black jeans, and a revealing V-neck, in typical Alex Vause fashion.

Only difference is… she's not Alex Vause.

Close enough, you think.

She's practically a carbon copy of the woman you once loved so intensely it scared even you.

You watch her from the corner of your eye as she finishes off the last of her drink. Maybe you could just pretend that it was Alex. After all, they do look like they are cut from the same cloth.

"I'll take another double rye and coke," You call out to the bartender. "And another of whatever she's having," you jerk your thumb towards the woman beside you.

The woman turns to you and gives you a pointed look, a dark eyebrow raised sharply.

"I'm Piper," you shoot her a flirtatious smile, sticking your hand out.

The woman eyes you skeptically before shooting you a soft smile. "Katie." She has a mysterious glint in her dark eyes as she accepts your hand in her own. "Thanks for the drink."

A moment of silence consumes the two of you as the bartender places the drinks before both of you.

"Sick tat." She comments, her eyes shifting towards the white ink on your forearm. "Where'd you get it?"

"Prison." Your words come out monotonically, a certain coldness wrapped around them.

"Prison?" The woman looks intrigued. "What's a pretty blonde like you do to end up in prison?"

"Fell in love with a drug importer," you shrug with the absence of emotion. "Then did some illegal shit…" You say the last part with a shrug and take a sip of your drink, setting it down on the table with a hard thump.

You sound like such a bad-ass right now. In reality, you're a chaotic emotional wreck. But she doesn't need to know that.

"You still with this drug importer?"

You shake your head coolly. "Nah. Relationship couldn't survive prison."

"God, I love a felon with tattoos," the mystery woman whistles lowly, eyeing you carefully with a sensual smile. "Wanna blow this place?"

Your lips curl into a grin as you lean towards the woman. "Sure." You're aware that your voice is sweet like honey, yet seductive as hell. "Maybe I can show you the rest of my prison tattoos." You kink an eyebrow suggestively and pull yourself into a standing position.

"Oh god, I hope so."

You shoot Sam a look to tell her that you're leaving with this tall, dark and mysterious woman. Sam nods knowingly, indicating that she's found someone to go home with too.

As you leave the club, entering the smoke-filled night, wrapped in a stranger's arms, you feel yourself start to let go; let go of the bitterness that seems to protrude every aspect of your life as of late, let go of the haunting memories of your beautiful ex-lover. You can pretend just for tonight that is woman is the love of your life; the one person you stupidly let go of because of your own selfish actions. And for the first time since you left those prison walls behind, you won't have to feel alone. Because god knows, you've never been good at being alone.

* * *

 **ALEX POV**

"This place sucks," You moan out as you order a drink and lean against the table.

"Why don't you let yourself have fun for a change Vause," Nichols rolls her eyes. "This place is practically an all you can eat pussy buffet," she laughs haughtily, her eyes scanning the club for a potential suitor.

"Maybe I don't want an 'all you can eat pussy buffet'" You air quotes the words that you repeat from Nichols.

"You just want one pussy," Nichols rolls her eyes in typically fashion. "You know what your problem is Vause?" She doesn't let you respond. "You keep holding on to any shred of hope you can that you and blondie will live happily ever after. But guess what, Piper fucked you over. She fucked you over hard. And you need to accept that your little girlfriend is not the innocent gem that you always seem to see her as. She turned into a manipulative asshole!"

Nicky usually holds herself together enough not to piss you off. But she's clearly outdone herself tonight.

"Fuck off Nicky," You bite out, pain twisting in your icy tone. "You don't know shit about me and Piper."

"I know that she stomped on your fucking heart."

"Why the fuck do you always seem to think that everything in my life revolves around a certain blonde-haired bitch?" You question angrily, a dark eyebrow shooting up in response. "Maybe I'm just having a tough time adjusting to life outside of prison."

"And life without Piper?"

You close your eyes momentarily and take in a deep breath before exhaling it out and blinking your eyes open. "Yeah. Is that what you want to hear Nicky? That I can't seem to move on from Piper? Maybe, it's true. I mean, I would never take her back, because you don't fuck the people you're supposed to love over like that. But that doesn't mean it still doesn't hurt. And suddenly when you realize that what was once the biggest part of your life is no longer a piece of you, it fucking stings like a bitch."

"Now you're talking," Nichols shoots you a sympathetic look. "Enough of this shit," she waves you off with her hand. "Let's just forget about it all for tonight."

"Yeah…" you trail off as you take a swig of your drink. "Let's forget about it."

Nichols starts going on about some hot little brunette she sees on the dancefloor and how she'd like to take her home and do dirty things to her. But, you find yourself distracted. How the hell are you supposed to adjust to this life without Piper? At least when you were in prison together, you saw the blonde every day, whether you spoke a single word to one another or not.

As you gaze off into the distance, you swear you spot a familiar blonde sitting on one of the barstools. Your face turns white. People pass by, blocking your view, but you swear that it's Piper, leaning over and laughing at something a tall, dark haired woman is saying.

"Alex, what the fuck? You look like you just saw a ghost."

"I did," You respond quietly. Your eyes cut back over to the bar. "Over there."

"Alex. What the fuck are you talking about?"

"Piper," You respond blankly. "She's right there."

"Are you okay?" Nichols questions, placing her hand on your forehead in mockery. "Because there's no Piper! You're so fucking lovesick, you're seeing shit that isn't there."

"I swear Nichols," You mutter to yourself as you blink and give your head a shake. The barstool is empty as Nicky had pointed out so kindly. "She was just there."

"You need another drink."

Nichols orders you another gin and tonic. You two find some nice girls to dance with. Nichols goes home with one. You go home alone.

You can't help but shake the feeling that you saw Piper sitting on that barstool talking to someone. Maybe you were just hallucinating. Maybe you just wanted to believe so badly that it was Piper. Maybe you were jealous of that woman that looked eerily like you.

You don't fucking know anymore.

* * *

 **PIPER POV**

Your head is pounding. It feels like someone hit you with a cement truck, and then backed up and hit you again repeatedly.

Cerulean eyes slowly blink open whilst long, bony fingers reach up and wipe the sleep out of them. Your arms instinctively fall beside your body in an attempt to stretch them awake. They unexpectedly collide with the hard body of another.

What the fuck?

You roll over, unaware of the woman that lies beside you.

Alex?

What the fuck have you done?

It takes a moment to sink in and then the events of last night come flooding back to you.

That isn't Alex beside you.

You wish it was. God, you desperately do. But you snap back to reality; a sad, lonely reality.

You slowly pull yourself into a sitting position, twisting your body away from the grasp of the woman beside you, carefully as if not to wake her.

The body beside you stirs and dark eyes blink open.

"Leaving so soon?"

"I have shit to do," You shrug nonchalantly, reaching for your discarded clothes on the floor. Where the fuck is your shirt?

"It's on the lamp," the woman smirks, pointing towards the corner of the room.

You snatch the shirt and pull it over your body. "You're not staying for breakfast?"

"I'm not hungry." You're aware that your voice comes out cold and harsh.

"Can I see you again?"

"Last night was good," You smile appreciatively at the woman who is questioning you. "But, don't confuse this with anything more than a simple hook-up. You see, I'm a hit it and quit it type of girl." The lie rolls easily off of your tongue, wrapped in a tone of indifference. "I'm sorry if I gave you the wrong impression."

"You seemed much nicer last night."

"Goodbye."

You're out the door without another word. How could you have possibly done that? You feel yourself breathing heavily as you tumble onto the street below the apartment you just exited. Maybe last night had been a clear reminder of how fucked up you are. You'd simply used this woman as a pain killer. Because, you can't deal with your own damn feelings.

You walk aimlessly down the street, trying to clear your head, but everything just swirls around in your mind. Alex, the Alex look-alike from last night, this new version of you...

You stop when you reach your apartment.

Suddenly the haunted reminder of Polly and Larry's wedding invitation fills your mind. "Fuck," escapes your lips as you dig through your purse and pull your keys out.

You find yourself slipping into your car instead; twisting the key into the ignition and hearing it spur to life. You drop your head to the steering wheel and let the tears fall.

How could everything be coming crashing down around you like this? Realizing that you've literally lost everything you once cared about is the harshest of realities. Your best friend is marrying your ex. Your parents tip-toe around you on eggshells; your father can barely look at you without shame tainting his face and you don't miss the look of distaste that twists across your mother's face when she tells her WASPY friends that Piper, the doting daughter has finally returned from her peace corp. mission in Africa. Because, that's easier than telling them you just returned from prison. Your siblings have abandoned you. Danny, the golden child, refuses to acknowledge your existence because you're Piper; the royal fuck-up who has brought shame to the Chapman name. Even Cal is drifting, consumed in his life with Neri. Your friends turn their noses up at the fact that you went to prison. And then there's Alex. The one person who stuck with you through everything; the good, the bad, and the catastrophic, is now a faint memory that sticks in your mind every damn day, a painful reminder of just how badly you had fucked up.

You drive erratically, anger coursing through your veins, directed at the two people who you once cared most about, _well aside from Alex, but that's a whole different story._

You eventually reach the familiar house.

You once shared that house with Larry.

You reach into the purse on the passenger seat of your car and pull the small bottle out. You reach inside and take a handful of the pain killers, washing them down with the remainder of the coffee that you'd picked up on your way to your destination.

You take a deep breath and kill the engine, gaining your composure, and storming up the steps to the small but quaint townhouse.

Polly answers.

Her eyes nearly jump out of their sockets.

"Piper," she states carefully, not sure what to say or do. "I heard you were out."

"Cut the shit Polly," you growl angrily, pushing your way inside. "Why the fuck did I receive an invite to the wedding between Larry Bloom and Polly Harper?"

"Pipes," Polly sighs heavily, running a hand through her dark locks. "You're still an important part of my life… of our lives, despite how things played out. You have to know that."

"Fuck you," You spit out, venom staining your words. How dare she tell you that you're important to her? She wouldn't have discarded your feelings so carelessly when she chose to be with Larry if she cared about you like she claims. "How dare you invite me to your stupid fucking wedding after everything you have done to me!? Does that sound like a good idea to you Polly? Let's break Piper's heart, and then visit her in prison so that we can rub it in her face. And then when she finally gets a taste of freedom, let's invite her to our wedding because that's what friends do. Well guess what Polly, we aren't fucking friends anymore! You betrayed me!"

You can literally feel the anger coursing through your entire body.

"You can even invite Alex," Polly laughs nervously, trying to ease the obvious tension that looms between the two of you.

"Alex is gone," You tell her with an icy tone. "Just like you and Larry."

Polly looks at you with empathetic eyes. "What happened?"

"That doesn't concern you," You respond icily. "The minute you betrayed me, you lost the right to know anything about me!"

"Piper," Polly rocks back and forth nervously on her heels. "I'm sorry about what happened. We never meant to hurt you. And you know just as well as I do that you can't choose who you love."

"That doesn't make it right."

"Piper, I am sorry about whatever happened between you and Alex. I truly am. You know, it was you and Alex who inspired me that true love does exist. Hell, if you and Alex could get through half of the shit that you've been through together and still love one another at the end of the day, that gives me hope that Larry and I can make it. But that doesn't give you a right to be angry with me for falling in love."

"Leave me the hell alone," You hiss angrily. "We are done."

"I never meant to hurt you Piper."

Bullshit.

"You win Polly," You laugh bitterly, shaking your head angrily from side to side. "Congratulations. I lost Larry and now I've lost Alex. You win. You get Larry, and I get nothing but this fucking hole in my heart."

"It's not a game Piper," Polly sighs. "It never was."

"Bullshit!" You furrow your eyebrows together and point your finger in Polly's face. "You couldn't stand the fact that I was happy and you were not! Well now you got what you've wanted!"

"I got what I wanted?" Polly looks at you incredulously. "Do you think this is what I wanted? To have to choose between my best friend and the love of my life? And to see you like this? It's like I don't even know you anymore."

"Nobody does," You tell her hardly, flashing your forearm and the words 'trust no bitch' in Polly's face. "And nobody ever will."

Why does everybody think that the 'old piper' is coming back?

"I don't like this version of you," Polly mutters, rolling her eyes in disgust at your tattoo. "Prison has changed you. The Piper I know would never get a god-awful tattoo like that. And the Piper I know would be happy for me. And she wouldn't have pushed away the two people that she cares most about!"

"Well the 'old Piper' doesn't exist anymore," You hiss coldly. "And she's not coming back." You shoot Polly a final look of disgust before turning your back and heading towards your car. "Leave me the hell alone, I mean it."

You drop your head to the steering wheel and let the tears fall like raindrops from your eyes.

Polly's words ring through your ears. " _I don't like this version of you."_ Truthfully, you don't like this version of yourself either. But, you don't know what to do anymore. You don't know how to live your life beyond the walls of prison. It's like you're learning to breathe again, live again.

Prison has changed you.

Behind the concrete walls of Litchfield, you were more than just a number.

You were in control.

You had power.

People didn't fuck with you.

Beyond those walls, you're just one of six billion people existing on this plant.

You have no control

You have no power.

And you absolutely hate that feeling.

 **AN: Here is chapter two! I promise Vauseman will have a reunion soon, I just wanted to get everything out on the table first, before the story really gets started. Please let me know what you think!**


	3. Demons

**PIPER POV**

Fuck Polly.

That's really the only thing on your mind as you drive home.

And fuck her for inviting you to her wedding. The audacity the brunette even has to think of doing such a thing.

You put your car in park and stomp up the stairs to your apartment, not really carrying if the neighbors think you're an elephant or something walking up the stairs with how loud you are stomping right now.

You slide the key into the lock and push the door open.

You set your stuff down and go straight for the fridge, cracking a bottle of wine.

You don't care if it's only 11 o'clock in the morning.

Your day couldn't possibly get any worse. First, you wake up next to a stranger who looks eerily like Alex Vause. And the worst part is that you couldn't help stop wishing that she was Alex Vause. And then you have a huge blow-up with Polly, who is being selfish as all hell right now. The nerve she has to tell you that prison has changed you and that you're becoming someone you're not. And the worst part is, she says it like she cares about you, not to spite you. She lost the right to care about you any more a long time ago.

You hear the sound of muffled voices on the other side of Sam's door and can't help but wonder who the man… or woman of choice was. Sam kind of reminds you of Alex that way. At least the old Alex; the woman she was before she met you. She's always bringing people home at the end of the night, never really committing to one person. Men, women, she doesn't discriminate, doesn't seem to care about who the endless string of people coming through her doors are. She hasn't had a relationship in the six months that they have lived together.

You shrug, reaching for the remote, and taking a long sip of wine. Nothing on TV seems to catch your eye. You flip through the channels aimlessly.

"That was fucking awesome!" a voice that sounds very familiar but you just can't seem to place calls out. You hear Sam's door open. "I mean I can't remember the last time I danced that much…"

"We were pretty good huh?" You hear Sam's familiar voice. "Piper, hey!" she smiles, when she sees you sitting on the couch.

You turn around and offer her a smile. "Morning Sam… I'm sorry if I'm…" You don't finish your sentence. Standing beside Sam is one of the last people you thought you'd never see again. "Interrupting…" you finish, as your eyes meet those of Nicky Nichols.

She looks just as shocked to see you. "No it's fine," Sam smiles, breaking the brief silence. "Nicky this is my roommate…"

"Chapman," Nicky cuts her off. "Piper Chapman. What the fuck are you doing here?"

"I could ask you the same thing Nichols," you reply back with a playful smirk. "But I suppose I don't have to. One could assume you were fucking my roommate."

"You two know each other?" Sam looks confused as she glances back and forth between the two of you. "Oh wait, don't tell me you two used to fuck each other or something?" she groans as she watches both you and Nicky stare each other down.

"Well what the fuck are you waiting for Chapman?" Nichols smirks as she opens her arms. "Come give your old friend a hug."

You smile as you walk over to Nicky and throw your arms around her, glad there's no awkwardness between the two of you.

"I missed you Nichols."

"I missed you too Chapman," she gives you a small smile as you pull away from her. "You look different without scrubs on."

Sam is just sitting there completely flabbergasted. "How do you two… know each other?"

"Piper and I are old friends," Nicky smiles at her. "But don't worry. Not like that. We were actually just friends. Nothing more," she finishes upon reading the other woman's face. "Piper would never give into me," she teases with the wink of a chocolate brown eye.

"We met in prison actually," You smirk as you grab your wine glass and finish the contents in the bottle.

"Prison?" she turns to Nichols and gives her a pointed look. "You went to prison too?"

"Made some dumb choices," she shrugs, casting a glance your way as you fill your glass up again. "Isn't it a little too early to be drinking Chapman?"

"It's five o'clock somewhere," you remind her with a careless shrug. "Want a glass?"

"No thanks," Nicky shakes her head and leans up against the bar stool. "I'm okay."

Her phone beeps and she quickly glances down, her fingers furiously typing a response. "Shit, I gotta go," she looks up from the black device. "Boss wants me in an hour early." She rushes to grab her jacket from the front door.

You instinctively find yourself standing and placing a hand on her shoulder.

"Yeah?"

"How… how is Alex?" you ask hesitantly. "I just want to know that she's okay."

"Oh look you do have a heart in there," Nicky teases as she grabs her coat and flings it over her body. "She's fine. But, you really fucked her up good if you must know. What you did to her that was shitty man."

"I know. I'll never forgive myself," you sigh as you run a hand over your forehead tiredly. "Does she ever think about me?"

Nicky purses her lips. "All the time," she replies quietly. "Look, I have to go. It was nice seeing you Chapman." She slips out the door after shooting you a small smile.

You stand frozen in your spot for a moment. Shit, you realize you hadn't gotten her number.

You turn to Sam. "Please tell me you got her number?"

Your roommate shakes her head slowly. "Sorry I'm not the really the kind of girl to go for seconds."

Fuck.

Nichols could have been your key to Alex.

"So who is this Alex person?" Sam breaks you from your thoughts.

"Just an old friend," you reply with a small shrug.

"An old girlfriend?"

"Maybe," you shrug. "She and Nicky are friends. My only way to get her back was through Nicky. I just fucked that one up."

"What happened?" Sam asks cautiously as she places a hand on your shoulder, sensing the intensity of your emotions right now. "I mean it's okay if you don't want to talk but if you do…"

"Alex and I were a couple," you start slowly. "We travelled the world together and ended up in jail together."

"The drug-smuggling ex-girlfriend you mentioned once or twice before?"

"Yes," you nod your head slowly. "I can't explain it really. But we had so much history. And I fucked her over by cheating on her with another woman… that I didn't even have feelings for. I just wanted to feel in control, to have power. Alex always had the control over me and the power in the relationship. I guess I wanted to know what it felt like. And now…" you close your eyes slowly and let the tears drop from your eyes. You hate showing this vulnerability to other people. You fucking hate it so much. "I have to live with the fact that I ruined the best thing that ever happened to me because I am a horrible, selfish, stupid person."

"You're not horrible, selfish, or stupid," Sam responds as she wraps and arm around your shoulder and pulls you into her close. "You've made some bad choices." It's refreshing to know that at least one person doesn't think these things of you. Even if you don't believe them.

"Alex is gone. You know, this has happened before, where we've broken up like this, but I could always see the hope in her eyes. She would give me this look as if to say, you and me aren't done, we have too much that we've left unfinished. But… I didn't see that look this time. She isn't coming back."

"Maybe it's because you've never let yourself experience what someone else could give you. Maybe that's why you hold onto Alex and this relationship so much," Sam finally whispers as she wipes a tear from the corner of your eye. "You'll never find anyone that makes you feel the way she did if you don't open your heart to the possibility of it and if you keep thinking you've ruined the best thing that's ever happened to you."

She's right. You know that. But you have a heart to protect here. You have to take care of yourself too. It's easier not to feel anything. Emotions just complicate everything, you've decided.

"When will this fucking hole in my heart ever go away?" you whimper as you clutch your chest.

"Honestly?" Sam looks at you with empathetic eyes. "When you find someone else that makes it whole again."

You nod. But, you're not entirely sure. You understand what she is saying but at this moment in time, you don't think anyone can ever make your heart whole again.

You sit there in silence. Sam's arms embraced around you. And for the first time since you've moved into this place, you feel a connection to Sam. You feel like she's going to be a pretty good friend to have around. Because god knows you need one right now. You just find yourself wishing you don't fuck it up with your fear of being alone.

* * *

 **ALEX POV**

 _Whenever I'm alone with you, you make me feel like I am home again._

 _Whenever I'm alone with you, you make me feel like I am whole again._

 _Whenever I'm alone with you, you make me feel like I am young again._

 _Whenever I'm alone with you, you make me feel like I am fun again._

 _However far away, I will always love you._

 _However long I stay, I will always love you._

 _Whatever words I say, I will always love you, I will always love you._

The words drift through your mind like a symphony.

Piper loved this song.

It had been your song.

 _Piper looks so young, so beautiful as the words drift from her mouth "Whatever words I say, I will always love you."_

" _Promise me that'll always be true?"_

" _What do you mean?" Piper looks up at you with those bambi eyes. She's so intoxicating, like a drug. You used to think that heroin was intoxicating. But, it was nothing compared to Piper. Not even close._

" _That no matter what words we might say to each other, you'll always love me."_

" _Of course I will," Piper responds instantly, placing a small kiss on your lips. "Always."_

 _If only you knew at that time those words would be a lie. A cold, hard lie. Broken apart by a cruel act of betrayal._

" _God, I don't know how I've managed to live without you for so long." You mentally slap yourself for sounding so cheesy. You've always prided yourself on being the strong one; the tough one. "I can't imagine what it would be like to have to live without you again."_

" _You'll never have to," Piper whispers, her voice carrying what hopes to be a lifetime of promise._

 _But even the greatest and most epic of love stories aren't always meant to be. You and her are living proof of that._

"Fuck me," You moan loudly as you snap back to reality, being painfully reminded of the haunting memories of a love that was supposed to last a lifetime. You shut the music off and slam your hand down on the coffee table hard. "I can't even listen to my favorite song anymore without being reminded of her," you mutter to yourself quietly.

It seems that everywhere you go you are haunted by memories of your love affair with Piper.

It's inescapable.

Even as you wander into the kitchen, you catch sight of the picture on the fridge. Your arms are draped around the blonde, who is smiling happily. What the fuck? You can't even remember why you have this picture anymore. You'd made sure to get rid of anything else that reminded you of her.

You take the picture and rip it to shreds, dumping the broken remnants in the trash can. It hurts to rip another memory up. But, you have no other choice, or you'll never move on.

 _Fuck you Piper._

And _fuck you Alex._

You're mad at yourself too. How had you let yourself get so involved with someone that you had allowed your heart to get stomped on, not once, but three times?

You really shouldn't have fallen in love with a straight girl.

Actually, you shouldn't have fallen in love with anyone.

What ever happened to protecting yourself first? To protecting your heart?

You stand under the warm spray, allowing the water to cascade down your body.

You feel the tension start to fade away.

You feel like you're starting to float back to normality.

But only for a second.

The tears start to mix with the water that runs down your body.

You don't even know why you're crying anymore.

It just hurts so damn much.

You stand in front of the mirror, staring at yourself.

Why couldn't you be enough for Piper?

Was there something wrong with you?

Was there something so repulsing about you that had pushed Piper away and into the arms of another incredibly attractive woman?

Were you not pretty enough?

Not smart enough?

Not good enough?

Inevitable.

That's how Piper always makes you feel.

You trace the words carefully into the steam that encases the mirror.

That's what Piper will always mean to you.

Fuck Piper.

Fuck everything.

You punch the mirror with your fist.

It caves in.

A million tiny remnants of broken glass rest on the cool tiles before you.

They bear a striking resemblance to your relationship with Piper.

Cracked.

You've lost control.

As the tears start to roll down your face once again, you hear the silver device on the counter vibrate.

Nichols. Of course.

 _I'm feeling a little nostalgic tonight. Got some China White from a friend. You in?_

 _Terrible idea._

There are a million reasons why you should not make the same mistakes again.

But there is one reason why you should.

And that reason outweighs all of the others.

You type your response quickly before glancing at yourself in the mirror again.

You'll be enough for someone, someday, maybe.

* * *

 **PIPER POV**

 _When you have a connection with someone it never really goes away, you know? You snap back to being important to each other because you still are._

You can't stop focusing on the words. Alex's words.

They are inescapable.

"Piper, hello? You still with us?" Your mother's voice breaks you from your thoughts.

"Yeah. Sorry, I was distracted."

Dinner with the Chapmans is the same as usual; filled with conversations that seem so fabricated, so rehearsed.

"You seem to be distracted lots lately," Your mother points out. _Like she cares._

"Does it have to do with that girlfriend of yours?" Cal questions, taking a sip of water and shooting you a knowing look.

Carol looks like she's about to have a heart attack just hearing the word 'girlfriend'.

"Enough Cal," Bill barks, turning to your brother. "How is the hunt for a job going?"

"Actually, I don't have a girlfriend," You cut in, saving Cal from the wrath of Bill Chapman. "Alex and I broke up." But of course, Cal knew that.

She's going to have a little fun with this; make dinner a little more interesting than the usual dullness it possesses.

"Honey, I'm sorry," your mother mumbles, feigning sympathy as she takes a sip of wine. "I'm sure you'll find someone."

"You're not sorry," You narrow eyes at your mother instinctively. "You never liked Alex."

"Piper!" your father raises his voice. "Let's try not to ruin this nice dinner, okay?"

You sink into your chair and pick at your food. You're much more interested in the wine, however, as you top your glass up. You _need_ that wine in order to make it through this dinner with some shred of sanity left.

"I think you've had a little much Piper," your mother finally cuts in, taking the bottle from your hands. "You have to drive home."

She's such a fun-sucker.

"Cal will give me a ride," You bite back, bitterness staining your words, as you grab the bottle back from her hands and fill your glass to the brim.

"That's an interesting tattoo," Margo, one of Carol's best friends from the country club, points towards your arm as you lower the bottle to the table. Margo and her husband had joined the family for dinner. And quite frankly, you have never liked her. She is just as pretentious as Carol is.

"Thanks," you smirk as you take a long sip of wine as if to rub it in Carol's face.

"Where did you get it?"

"Prison."

Margo chokes on her wine. Carol looks as if she's about to have another heart attack. Cal just chuckles.

"Yeah," You nod with a devious grin. "Remember when Carol told you that I spent a few years in the peace corp. in Africa?" You ask raising your glass as if to propose a toast, before taking a sip. "Well she lied. I was in prison. With my lesbian ex-lover who I carried drug money for years ago."

"Piper that is enough!" Your father yells as he stands up and pushes his chair out.

You don't have to say another word. You've already done enough damage.

You shoot a haughty smile in the direction of your family instead and excuse yourself to use the bathroom.

You feel yourself falling apart slowly as you sink onto the cool tiles of the bathroom floor, letting your back slide down against the porcelain bathtub.

Your own family doesn't even know who you are anymore. Nobody does. In fact, you're not even sure that you know who you are anymore.

Alex. She was the only one who knew the real you.

And you had fucked that one up royally.

You try to cry; to feel your heart ache.

But you can't. The tears refuse to succumb.

How can you hate yourself so much that when you look in the mirror, you see a ghost of who you used to be staring back at you?

You're opening a safety pin, carefully playing with the sharp tip. The blade is practically calling your name.

You want to feel pain; feel what it's like to inflict so much pain on the people who love you. Because god knows, you've been doing that for so long.

You press the cold metal into your skin, dragging out the words slowly.

Your skin burns, aches, for the touch of pain.

You etch the word _pain_ into your arm, just below the elbow.

You try, you really do.

But you don't feel anything.

You've come to a bitter conclusion.

You're incapable of feeling.

Prison really has changed you.

* * *

 **ALEX POV**

The liquid shoots through your veins; the high rippling through your body.

It's been years since you've felt the familiarity of heroin, yet it feels like it's been an eternity since you've felt this electric.

Not since Piper.

When you quit heroin, Piper became your addiction again. Like a needle to your vein.

"I thought you were a lousy junkie?" Nichols questions as she removes the tourniquet from her arm and pulls the needle out. "You seem to be having a hell of a time."

"When you've got nothing else to lose, nothing else really matters," You shrug as you mix yourself a drink, offering one to Nichols, who graciously accepts.

"I get what you're saying." Nichols squints her eyes as she takes the drink from your hands. "When you lose the biggest part of your life, you've got nothing else to lose. I feel ya. But fuck them Vause. We got each other, we don't need Chapman and Morello. Remember, they fucked _us_ over."

"I just mean all of it Nichols," You elaborate as you settle in the chair across from Nichols. "When you're closing in on 40 and you're working as a bartender because the only life you've ever known was illegal and sends you to prison and the bitter realization that you're alone because you push away everyone that tries to love you hits you, that's when you realize you have nothing left to lose."

"Life never really turns out the way you imagine it to," Nichols shrugs half-heartedly as she takes her glass and clinks it against yours. "But we do what we gotta do to survive, you know?"

You nod your head as if to signal your understanding. Perhaps Nichols is right. Life never really has turned out the way you've envisioned it to so far.

Nichols clears her throat and you snap your head to look at her. "So…" she twiddles her thumbs nervously as she gives you a look that screams something is about to get awkward.

"What?" You cast her a side-long glance. "Nichols what is it? There's something you're trying to tell me and it looks like you're uncomfortable about it?" And that's saying a lot because you know that Nicky Nichols doesn't get uncomfortable very often.

"I saw someone the other day…"

"Yeah. Who?" You raise an eyebrow, wondering who Nicky could have seen that would make her feel this awkward.

"Remember when we went out together the other night and you thought you saw Chapman at the club and I told you that you were just crazy?" Nichols raises an eyebrow in question. You find yourself swallowing the lump in your throat. There's no way… "Turns out maybe you're not crazy after all."

"What?" Your body suddenly freezes as you send Nichols a pained look. "You saw her?"

"Yeah," Nichols looks at you uncomfortably. "Remember that girl I went home with? That was Chapman's fucking roommate."

Roommate or girlfriend you find yourself wondering as a sudden twinge of unwanted jealousy spurs inside of you. Nichols picks up on the look that is twisting across your face.

"She wasn't there. But, when I woke up in the morning, Chapman was sitting on the fucking couch watching TV."

"You… you talked to her?" you stutter out, finding this to be incredibly weird. "Piper, you talked to Piper?"

Nichols nods her head yet again. "Yes Vause, I talked to her. And for the record, she looked like shit. Totally hungover as fuck, angry as all hell, and she was drinking wine at like ten o'clock in the morning. She asked about you, you know?"

"What did you say?" you ask cautiously, hoping to god that Nichols didn't tell her how vulnerable you are when it comes to any subject revolving around Piper Chapman.

"I told her you were okay but that she fucked you up pretty good," Nichols admits slowly as you shoot her a look. Piper need to know that she had the power to tear you apart completely. "What?" Nicky rolls her eyes at you. "She needed to know that she fucked up and hurt somebody else because she was being an asshole."

You sit in silence for a moment, processing everything that Nichols has told you.

Fuck Piper. That's really the only conclusion that you can come up with.

"You know what no," Nichols shakes her head briskly, grabbing the syringe and holding it up for you to see. "You're not going to sit here moping around about the asshole that broke your heart. We are getting fucked up tonight and you're going to have a good time and forget about this stupid shit."

As Nichols prepares another fix for you, you think about her words and let them sink in. You need to move on. You _have_ to move on. For your own sanity, if anything.

The more the poison sinks into your body, the higher you get. And the higher you get, the more you let go.

As the night goes on you find yourself slowly reverting back to your old ways. The heroin gives you to confidence that you need; the confidence that you've lost.

You forget about everything that has happened in the last year and a half. Your life is starting to feel _normal_ again.

You move around the bar with ease; flirting and buying drinks with the pretty girls that catch your eye. You act like you own this place.

Somewhere along the way, Nichols leans over and whispers "Glad to have you back Vause. I never liked that pussy version of you."

* * *

 **PIPER POV**

You remain quiet for the rest of dinner with your family. You pick at your food, sip on your wine, feeling good as the buzz of the alcohol runs through your body.

It isn't long after dinner that your parent's friends leave. And your father heads to his study with the simple shake of his head. As if to indiscreetly indicate that he is disappointed in you.

You used to hate it when your parents were disappointed in you.

Now it doesn't bother you.

It is expected of you.

Cal is on the phone with Neri, leaving you alone with your mother.

It shouldn't feel this uncomfortable. Yet it does.

"What is with you Piper?" Carol asks, finally breaking the uncomfortable silence. "You're turning into this monster."

"I'm turning into a monster?" You turn to your mother incredulously. "You don't know me. Don't judge me."

"This isn't you," your mother shakes her head. "Are you on drugs, Piper? Because we can fix this. We can get you help."

Of course Carol assumes your using drugs.

You laugh, almost uncontrollably. "That's so like you to assume that I'm on drugs. Let's just fix this so that Piper doesn't ruin your reputation any more than she already has!"

"Where did I go wrong?" Carol wonders aloud as she paces back and forth uncomfortably. "First prison Piper. You end up in prison! Because you got involved with a lesbian drug dealer. And now you're getting obscene tattoos and acting like you're proud of the fact that you were incarcerated."

"Guess you'll just have to face the fact that I didn't exactly live up to the cookie-cutter image you planned on. I'm done pretending that I'm someone I'm not just to please you."

"Who are you?" Carol asks, eyes narrowing as they bore into yours. "It's like I don't even know my own daughter anymore."

"How would you feel if everyone you loved turned their backs on you? If the only real friends you had were still locked away behind the walls of prison? If the person you loved, couldn't even stand to look at you anymore?" You yell furiously, shooting your mother a cold-hearted glare before standing up and grabbing Cal by the arm. "Let's go."

* * *

It's a cool July evening. The wind whips gently against your skin. Dark clouds cover the gloomy sky. Leaves blow down the sidewalk aimlessly. A thin sheet of rain gently pelts the street below your feet.

You stop when you reach your destination. You suck in a deep breath, you hadn't even realized you'd been holding, and blow it out heavily.

You haven't been visiting as much as you know you should. But, you can't always bring yourself to face this reality. It makes it all too real.

You push back the iron gates and step into the cemetery.

You pass by rows and rows of headstones.

You finally reach the one you're looking for. You stop and gently lay the flowers beside it. You bend down and reach out, letting your fingers glide across the stone ever so lightly.

You don't know what to say.

You sit there for a few minutes, just letting the tears fall down your face, and mix with the rain.

The pain of realizing you've lost the two people that mean the most to you sinks in.

You feel like you have nothing left.

"Hey mom," you whisper, running your fingers along the grave. Today marks the day that you lost your best friend, your rock, your mother. 8 years ago today, she was taken away from you. 8 years ago today was the hardest day of your life. The day that you lost your best friend and the day you also lost the love of your life. Well the first time anyways.

"I know I haven't been here in a while," you whisper apologetically. "I've just been dealing with some stuff lately."

"I miss you mom," you breathe out quietly, choking back the tears that tart to slide down your cheeks again. "I feel like I am missing so much. I left Piper but it would have only been a matter of time before she left me. I had a temporary relapse of using drugs again. I feel like my life is going in no direction anymore. It's just spinning out of control faster and faster. I don't really know what to do anymore. I always imagined that adjusting to life outside of prison would have been easier. But then again, I also imagined that I would have had Piper by my side too." You can't keep it together. You are starting to break down as you fall to your knees and let the sobs rack your body uncontrollably.

"You weren't supposed to leave me! Piper wasn't supposed to hurt me and force me to leave her! I c-can't do this on my own!" you cry out in agony. You used to think that going to prison was your rock bottom. Now you've realized this quite possibly might be your rock bottom. You have officially cracked.

You kneel there for a few more minutes, stroking the headstone with your fingertips and letting the rain mix with your tears. Just being there makes you feel like you are connected to your mother in some way.

You slowly pick yourself up off the dirt, wiping your jeans with the palms of your hands. "I promise I'll start visiting more. It's just hard." You whisper as you touch the grave one last time. You glance at your watch and realize that you are almost late for dinner with Nichols. "I'll see you soon. I love you mom."

Riverside Café.

Your feet stop when you find yourself in front of the quaint little Brooklyn café. You double check your phone to make sure that you have the right address. Apparently Nichols has a friend who claims this place has the best food in the city.

As your pulling the device from the pocket of your jeans, you realize that you have a text from Nichols.

 _Sorry Vause. I'm gonna be a few minutes late. I lost track of time."_

You chuckle at Nicky's modesty as you slide your phone back into your pocket.

You step inside the café. It has a nice look to it. Modern with a touch of classic.

A pretty blonde host leads you to an empty table and places two menus in front of you as you sink into the black leather booth. "Your server will be right with you," she shoots you a slight wink and you return the gesture with a small smile.

You realize that you probably look like shit right now. You probably have a few minutes to clean yourself up before Nichols gets here. She will clearly have some snide comment about how horrible you look.

You slip out of the booth and down the hall, following the arrows pointing towards the bathroom.

You take a look at yourself in the mirror. Dark circles gather under your eyes. Your eyes look cold and empty. Your skin looks pale and washed out. It's obvious that you have been crying. Your hair looks like shit too.

You take a minute to re-gain your composure, in fear that the waterworks might start up again. When the hell did you become such a fucking softie? You never used to cry like this; be this vulnerable. You have always dealt with emotions and emotional chaos so well. It's been one of your strongest suits for as long as you can remember.

Piper really has done a number on you this time. And you supposed everything else has too.

You try your best to shake the thoughts from the depths of your mind as you pull a bottle of foundation and a thick black Kohl pencil from your purse. You re-apply the make-up that has washed from your face with the rain and tears.

You fix your hair too.

You give yourself a once-over in the mirror. You don't quite look like death anymore. You smile approvingly.

You see Nichols sitting at the table when you emerge from the bathroom. She's smirking at you and waving like an idiot. You can't help but roll your eyes.

Nichols is making weird faces at you and you find yourself discreetly sticking your middle finger up in the air at her as if to say you're not funny.

You're so busy trying not to laugh at the bushy-haired woman that you don't see the waitress coming out of the kitchen doors to your right.

Your body collides with hers and the shattering of dishes rings through your ears.

Shit.

"Oh my god. I am so sorry," you apologize.

You bend down beside her to help her collect the dishes. Your hand touches hers and you feel this weird electricity. You haven't felt that electricity in such a long time. Not since…

You look up slowly.

Your eyes stare into a sea of familiar blue.

She looks at you confused. You look at her confused.

"Alex." She finally speaks, almost inaudibly.

"Piper…" you finally whisper back, letting out a jagged breath you hadn't even realized you'd been holding.

Fuck.

* * *

AN: Finally some Alex and Piper for everyone! Next chapter will have some actual interaction between them :) I hope everyone doesn't mind a completely vulnerable Alex and a vulnerable, kinda fucked up Piper. Promise it wont stay that way forever. Also big shout-out to MissPHalliwell for correctly guessing that Nicky's girl for the night would be Piper's roommate, it's like you were reading my mind! I want to thank everyone for the great reviews, its so amazing, and motivates me to want to write more and more!


	4. Stubborn Love

**ALEX POV**

You freeze as you stare into those beautifully familiar cerulean eyes.

Your hand lingers on hers for a little longer than it should. You finally drop your hand and pull yourself into a standing position.

"Oh shit."

You both turn and look at a smirking Nichols. Way to ruin the moment Nicky, you think.

"Chapman is that you?"

"Hey…" she cracks out, obviously stunned by your presence.

Nicky stands up and gives Piper a pointed look. "Twice in one week huh blondie? Must be a lucky one for you," she shoots the clearly overwhelmed blonde a wink.

"I-I have to go," she mutters embarrassedly, her eyes full of an emotion that you can't quite decipher. She turns quickly and stumbles back into the kitchen.

"That was weird," Nichols gives you a crooked grin as she saunters back to the table.

You find yourself frozen in your spot, staring back at the kitchen door expectantly. What the fuck?

For a minute, you wonder if you are hallucinating. You close your eyes for a second and then snap them open.

Nichols is sitting at the table smirking at you. Someone emerges from the kitchen with a broom to clean up the broken glass. It was very much real.

You let out a heavy sigh before returning to the table and slipping across from Nichols.

Nichols is just staring at you with that stupid grin on her face.

"Don't even say it," you mumble.

A waitress saunters over to your table to take your order, when you notice Piper make her way out of the kitchen. Her eyes connect with yours for a moment before she turns away.

"No," Nichols informs the waitress with a slight smirk. "I want her," she points towards Piper. "To take my order, I mean."

"Huh?" the waitress gives her a pointed look before shrugging and making her ways towards Piper. She points towards you and Nichols.

Piper looks like she's about to faint as she slowly makes her way towards the table. You kick Nicky underneath the table hard with your foot.

"What was that for?"

"You know what that was for," you inform her with a pained groan, your eyes still trained on Piper, who is becoming dangerously close to your table.

She stops and pulls her pad out. "What can I get you to drink?" she asks slowly, her eyes shifting uncomfortably from yours to Nichols.

Nichols orders water. You order a gin and tonic; double. Piper eyes you skeptically before nodding and turning towards the bar.

"Well this is awkward," Nichols whispers lowly, giving you another smirk. "I mean you were practically undressing our waitress with your eyes."

"Shut the fuck up Nicky."

Piper returns to your table.

She places Nicky's water in front of her and slides your drink to you. "Ready to order?"

You are suddenly aware of her eyes staring at you.

You cast her a side-long glance as if to appreciate the way that she looks tonight as she scribbles down Nichol's order.

"What will you be having Alex?" She turns to you and offers a small smile. A peace offering of sorts, you decide.

"Can I have the chicken parmesan with a side house salad?" you smirk, lifting a dark eyebrow. "And I'll take your number on the side too."

Nichols chokes on her water. Piper looks slightly taken aback but smiles lightly.

"I see you still have your sense of humor."

Piper drops her pen to the table beside your drink. She slowly reaches down to pick it up. Instinctively, your hand covers hers. "Allow me to help you," you smirk at her, fully aware of how sweet and seductive your voice sounds right now.

"Thank you," Piper mutters dryly as you hand her the pen.

You hand her your menu. "Thanks babe," you shoot her a wink and give her a once-over, letting your eyes travel up and down her body, then up again, stopping at her face. She looks uncomfortable to say the least. "You know you look much better without those prison scrubs on."

Piper just gives you a blank look. "I'll be back with your food shortly," she mutters curtly, quickly scurrying away from your table.

Nichols just looks at you with wide eyes. She finally bursts into a fit of laughter. "That was epic!"

"God, it feels good to have the power back," you chuckle as you take a sip of your drink. "I mean did you see how uncomfortable she looked?"

"Well yeah," Nichols chuckles back at you. "Could you imagine running into your ex who breaks up with you in prison after you cheat on her? And then she flirts with you intensely!"

You find your eyes cutting over to Piper as she moves around the café. Nichols starts spouting on about some girl she fucked the other night but you don't really hear much of what she says. You are too busy stealing glances at the blonde.

Piper brings your food to the table. "Careful, it's hot," she mumbles as she sets your food in front of you.

"No babe that would be you." You look at her with a seductive grin, kinking your eyebrow high and licking your lips lightly.

"Alex, what is with you?" she finally hisses as she pulls her hand away from the plate. "Are you trying to make me uncomfortable?"

"Maybe I'm trying to seduce you," you whisper bluntly, fully aware of how sultry your raspy voice sounds right now. "Is it working?"

"Maybe," she returns back in a voice that is seductive as hell, yet sweet as honey. She intentionally drops her pen. But this time, she's quick to reach down and pick it up. Her hot breath is dangerously close to your face right now and you can smell the familiar scent of vanilla engrained in the crook of her neck. You swallow the lump that forms in your throat. You do not like this close proximity of your blonde ex-lover.

Fuck.

She gives you a wink as she turns and heads back in the direction of the kitchen.

"Damn," Nichols smirks as she takes a bite of her pasta. "I don't understand you two."

You continue to sneak glances at Piper as you eat. Nichols can tell that you are not fully focused on her conversation about plans for the weekend.

"Dammit Alex, would it kill you to actually listen to me for a change? I mean I understand that you are more interested in undressing blondie with your eyes but…"

"Shut up."

Piper shoots a look in your direction and you find yourself becoming immersed in the beauty of her striking eyes.

"I-I c-can't b-breathe…" Nicky starts to make gagging noises. You tear your eyes away from Piper. "With all the sexual tension in this room."

"Fuck off."

Nichols laughs uncontrollably as Piper walks over to the table and clears your dishes out of the way. "Can I get you any dessert?"

You give her a look as if to say you walked right into this one. "Yes. You would make a fine dessert Piper."

"Maybe you can have me for dinner instead?" she winks at you, before removing the plate. "Cash or credit?"

"Cash," you reply dryly, fishing into your wallet. You leave her a generous tip.

"So Alex, Nicky, what have you ladies been up to?" Piper asks as Nichols fishes into her wallet.

"Working as a secretary. It's boring as fuck," Nichols responds with a shrug as she hands Piper some money.

"What about you Alex?" She turns to you with a smile. "Any luck finding a legal job?"

That's a low fucking blow.

"I work at Jamieson's, the bar down the street." You grit your teeth as your eyes bore into Piper's. "Have a nice night." You practically grab Nichols by the arm in an attempt to drag her out of that place.

"Bye blondie!" Nichols waves like an idiot as you pull her outside into the streets of Brooklyn. You turn for a moment and lock eyes with Piper. She gives you a small smile and you find yourself shooting her a nostalgic smile back.

"Damn Chapman's got game," Nichols smirks as she hails a cab.

You don't even bother with a reply. You simply shake your head.

* * *

 **PIPER POV**

You stand under the hot spray and allow the water to cascade over your muscles, relieving the obvious tension that has built up inside of them.

You can't fucking believe you just saw Alex Vause. It all just seems so surreal to you right now.

You can't help but smile at the way you caught her stealing glances at you, the way she flirted shamelessly with you, the way that it seemed like no time has really passed since you were last together.

Natural. That's how it's always been with Alex.

You cannot see or speak to one another in a long time and seemingly pick up right where you left off. That's how comfortable you are with her.

You wipe the excess water from your body with a white cotton towel, wrapping it tightly over your body.

You stare in the mirror at yourself.

Your eyes don't shine quite the way they used to.

Your smile doesn't reach quite as far as it used to.

You notice the infinity symbol inked below your right breast.

A reminder of how much power you'd had in prison. How much shit you had been through.

You notice the tattoo on your arm.

Nobody fucks with you. Nobody trusts you.

You notice the carved word "pain" on your opposite arm.

That's what you feel right now. That's what you are always inflicting on everyone else.

The person staring back at you in the mirror is not the person that used to stare back at you.

Not before you went to prison.

After you are dressed in an oversized shirt that ironically used to belong to Alex and a pair of shorts, you find yourself wandering into the kitchen, rifling through your cupboards.

You finally settle on blending yourself a margarita.

You take a sip, relishing in the goodness that the cold beverage has to offer. It reminds you of her.

Your mind instantly wanders back to your fondest memory of margaritas. The night that everything in your life changed. The night that your life collided with that of Alex Vause; so hard and so fast that even you didn't know something so cosmic and so electric was even possible.

 _You find yourself standing inside a modest bar in a quiet neighborhood. You're not sure what has brought you here other than the fact that you really fucking need a job._

 _Being a waitress was not exactly your first choice in jobs after graduating from college but your degree seems almost useless right now with the way that the economy is. And you need some form of income if you want to pay your rent._

 _You wait patiently for the bartender to acknowledge you._

" _Hey you, Laura Ingalls Wilder, we're escaping America before the apocalypse. Wanna come?" A husky voice suddenly calls from behind you. You turn and see a beautiful dark-haired woman smiling at you. "Sorry?" You turn to her confused._

 _The bartender interrupts you and you draw your attention to him. He admits that your resume will just end up in a drawer somewhere. You feel defeated as you let out a heavy sigh._

 _You probably shouldn't stay. But that woman is staring at you. And you find her so incredibly alluring._

 _You decide to order a margarita and sit yourself down to enjoy the cold beverage._

" _It's a little cold out for a margarita don't you think?" That damn husky voice comes drifting from behind you yet again. This time she is so close to you, you can feel her hot breath tickling your neck in the most enticing way humanly possible._

" _Let's see this," she smirks, picking the resume up and scanning her eyes over it. "Steve's Greek Cuisine. Le Ground Fromage. Bullshit, bullshit," she smirks as she takes her eyes off the paper and stares at you. "You need a lesson in fudging a resume." Those eyes; they are beautiful and emerald green, hidden behind black secretary style glasses. For some reason, you can't seem to look away._

 _You turn to the woman again, wondering why she is questioning your resume. "Do you work here?"_

" _Are you fucking kidding me?" She lets out a booming laugh. "Manager, Polly Harper. No one named Polly Harper gets put in charge, who is that really?"_

" _It's my friend," you let out a small laugh, embarrassed by your clearly fake resume._

" _You've never waited a fucking table in your life, have you?"_

" _No," you admit honestly. You find yourself suddenly amazed at how well this woman you've just met can read you. Are you really that predictable?_

" _So, Piper Chapman," she looks over at you with that signature smirk. "A smith grad with excellent listening skills, passionate about making diners feel good. That sounds kind of dirty," she kinks an eyebrow at you. "Safe, clean, and careful when handling food and drink. I like that in a woman. What else do I need to know about you?"_

 _You look at this woman, amazed. You find yourself asking the very question you've been wondering since she started talking to you. "Who are you?"_

" _My name is Alex."_

" _And what do you do Alex? Besides make fun of strangers in bars?" Are you seriously flirting with this woman right now?_

" _I work for an international drug cartel," she responds with the most serious of tones. You give her a look that encases shock. She seems to sense this and lets out a booming, infectious laugh._

 _The next thing you know, this Alex woman is inviting you over to her table._

 _You probably should go home. Something inside of you tells you that this woman is dangerous; that you shouldn't get too close to her._

 _But you can't help it. You feel incredibly drawn to her. There is a connection that you've quite possibly never felt before. When her hand accidently brushed up against yours, you felt this weird spark. Something you've never felt before, something sort of electric, sort of cosmic._

 _Alex seems at ease when she is around her friends. She sits beside you, ordering drinks for everybody, laughing and making jokes with ease. Sometimes her hand brushes against your thigh in the most innocent of ways. And you feel that weird spark again._

 _Alex's friends slowly start to filter out and it's just the two of you left._

 _You can feel the alcohol rushing to your head. You should probably go too. But something is making you stay._

" _I have to catch a flight to Berlin early in the morning," Alex finally speaks as she sends you her signature smirk. "Would you care to have one more drink with me?"_

 _You nod your head slowly and shoot her a flirtatious smile. "Berlin, hey?"_

" _It's a nice city," Alex tilts her head and smiles. "You ever been?"_

 _You shake your head. You've done some travelling but you find yourself feeling so sheltered compared to this woman. All night, you've heard her talking about her travels, all over the world. About the lavish parties she attends. It makes you crave a taste of her life. "What brings you to Berlin?"_

" _Business," she tells you with a shrug as she takes a sip of her alcohol. "So Piper tell me a little about yourself. Where do you come from?"_

" _Small town Connecticut," you tell her with a smile. "Graduated from Smith College and moved to New York just a few months ago with my friend Polly. How long have you been in New York?"_

" _I moved here about seven years ago from small town New Jersey," she tells you with a hint of mystery in her eyes. "Just wanted to have a little excitement in my life, you know?"_

 _The more you talk to Alex, the more you find yourself completely drawn into her. She tells you about her love of art and culture. She tells you about her love of music; the classics such as Led Zeppelin, the Beatles, and the Cure. She tells you about her love of literature; a wide variety of classic and contemporary favorites. You tell her about growing up in Connecticut and wanting to break out in the world, away from your parents and the life that they seem to have mapped out for you._

 _The two of you stay there until the bar closes, sitting dangerously close to one another, a constant fit of smiles and laughs in between a conversation that flows incredibly easily._

 _You both tumble into the New York streets, laughing at something Alex told you about her latest travel to Bali._

" _I should probably go. I have that early flight to catch," Alex groans, as if she doesn't want the night to end. You really don't want the night to end either._

 _How can you meet a complete stranger in a bar like this and spend the whole night talking, feeling like you've known this person your whole life?_

" _Yeah," you nod drunkenly as you take a step towards her. "I should probably go too. I have a long day of job hunting ahead of me tomorrow._

" _I wouldn't want to interfere with that," Alex gulps as you step even close to her. You can feel her hot breath on your neck. Her lips are so close to yours right now. Dangerously close… Alex is quite possibly the most mysterious, alluring person you have ever met. Yet, she screams danger. And for once in your life you just want to feel special and bad._

 _There is not a single care in the world. The usually conservative Piper Chapman does not seem to exist as you lean in closer to this beautiful woman. Your lips touch hers and you feel that spark again. Only this time it is even more intense. You drag your tongue across her bottom lip, begging for entrance. She gladly offers it you, parting her lips as your tongue slips inside of hers, exploring the depths of her mouth. She tastes dangerously like alcohol and cigarettes._

 _Finally, Alex breaks the kiss. She tilts head and offers you a smile. "It was nice meeting you Piper."_

" _Can I see you again?" You ask her, your eyes trained on her dark emerald ones. You have to see her again._

" _I'm going to Berlin," she reminds you as she steps towards the Taxi that has pulled up to the curb._

" _When will you be back?"_

" _I don't know," she tells you honestly. "Could be a few weeks, could be few months."_

" _If you want to see me again, meet me back here whenever you get back," you tell her as you lean in and brush your lips across hers in a small but passionate kiss. "Have a nice night, Alex."_

 _You go to that place every night for two months in hopes of seeing her again. You almost lose faith in her returning until one night two months later when she shows up at the bar. You didn't know it then but that woman was about to become the biggest part of your life._

 _End Flashback_

You let out an angry sigh as you pull yourself back to reality.

Sometimes you wish she'd never showed up that night. Sometimes you wish she would have stayed away. Sometimes you wish you could have saved both of you the heartache. Sometimes you wish you'd never met Alex Vause. But you were obsessed with danger at the time.

* * *

 **ALEX POV**

You feel like you're living in a dream right now as you slowly close the door to your apartment and kick your shoes off. You can't believe that you just saw Piper Chapman for the first time in over 6 months. You honestly thought that after prison you would never see her again.

As you make yourself comfortable on the couch, you find your mind drifting back to the time when you last saw her.

" _Hey Alex." You look up to see your blonde ex-lover, the one who ripped your heart out and stomped on it nearly one year ago, standing at the foot of your cubicle._

 _You don't have anything to say to her anymore._

" _You don't want to talk to me?" She looks at you with broken eyes. As if she has a right to be broken. She's the one that ruined this relationship. "I get it."_

" _What do you want?" Bitterness drips from your tongue as she turns around and offers you a weak smile._

" _I'm getting out in a week," she tells you quietly. "Crazy right?"_

" _Yeah."_

" _Look Alex," she gives you those bambi eyes that you've come to hate so much. "I'm really sorry about everything that happened between us, I really am. I wish that I could take it all back… I don't know why I… I'm such an idiot. God, you hate me don't you?"_

 _You look at her and shake your head. "I don't hate you Piper. But, I can't forgive you for what you did to me. And I'm not going to lie; I don't like the person you've become. The Piper that I loved, I haven't seen her in a long time and I'm scared she's never going to come back."_

" _I..I," Piper cracks out, a tear falling from the corner of her deep blue eyes. "I can't change what I did but I promise I can make it up to you Alex, okay? I can change if that's what you want me to do. We can go back to the ways things were before."_

" _No Piper," you shake your head angrily, your eyes trained on the floor because you know that looking into her eyes right now could break you and you are not going to let yourself break. At least not right now. "Things will never go back to the way they used to be. There has been too much damage over the years, okay? It's not just about what happened with Stella or how you've changed. You have to realize that we have hurt each other too many times. And that's not okay. It will never be okay!"_

" _I'm scared," Piper admits as she looks at her hands. "I'm scared of leaving this place and having to live on my own; without you, without any of these people. I feel like I have nothing left anymore Alex. And you were the one thing that has been constant in my life for the past couple of years."_

" _You should have thought about that a year ago," you tell her blankly as you dismiss her with your hand. "You and I can never happen again, despite how much history we have. I need to learn how to live on my own and I think you should do the same."_

 _She sends you a look that is filled with pain and regret. "I really am sorry," she whispers as she hands you an envelope. "Please read this."_

 _She gives you one last pleading look before turning and exiting your life. You always imagined that would be the last time you'd ever see Piper Chapman._

 _End Flashback_

Seeing her again on the outside world after everything that has happened gives you a whirlwind of mixed feelings. There are times when you think you need each other. After all, you couldn't deny the spark you felt when you touched her hand. You couldn't deny the stolen glances that held so much emotion, so much promise. You couldn't deny how natural the conversation flowed between both of you even despite everything that has happened. Sometimes, it feels like no time has passed between the two of you.

You might be ready to forgive her for what she's done. At least that way, you can both move on with some peace of mind. But, it still hurts to think that she was capable of doing so much damage to your fragile heart.

* * *

 **PIPER POV**

You probably should have gone home after work. You probably shouldn't be here. But a part of you needs to be here. A part of you needs her to be in your life again.

You push the door to the small bar open and take a moment to look around. The place is kind of a dump and you would never really expect Alex to work in a place like this. The place is almost empty aside from a few creepy old men sitting on the VLT machines.

You make your way through the maze of tables and sit yourself down on one of the barstools, picking up the drink menu and eyeing it carefully.

"Can I get you something?" The familiar husky voice you've grown to love so much asks. You look up from the drink menu and offer her a small smile.

"Oh fuck," Alex rolls her eyes at you. "What are you doing here?"

"I'm not allowed to enjoy a nice drink after a long day of work?" you shoot back, pretending to be offended.

"It must be a coincidence that you ended up at my bar of all places?" she mutters indifferently as she folds her arms over her chest. "What can I get you?" You don't miss the hardness in her tone. A far different approach from the other night when you ran into her at your restaurant.

"I'll have a margarita please," you smile at her as you set the drink menu down. "Double the tequila please."

She rolls her eyes and turns her back to prepare your drink.

You hand her a few bills as she places the margarita in front of you.

A moment of awkward silence passes over the two of you as she prepares a drink for another customer. "Oh come on Alex. I know you're pissed at me but isn't my company more enjoyable that those creepy old men?" You point your eyes towards the VLT machines.

"Those creepy old men pay my rent," she mutters stoically, turning her eyes away from you and trying to make herself busy.

"Alex," you mutter, taking a sip of your drink in hopes of finding some liquid courage. "Do you hate me?"

She turns to look at you and shakes her head slowly. "Piper I could never hate you. Believe me, I tried."

"Then why won't you talk to me?"

"Honestly?" She asks and you nod your head slowly. "Because, I know that talking to you is dangerous."

"Why are you so adamant on not having me in your life at all?" You ask quickly, raising an ash eyebrow at the dark-haired woman leaning against the bar countertop. "I mean can't we try to be friends or something?"

"Friends?" she chuckles at you, shaking her head lightly. "Piper we've never been able to be just friends."

She has a point. "Maybe we can start?" you suggest, pushing your empty glass towards her, indicating you'd like a re-fill.

Alex just shakes her head at you and turns around to fill your glass.

"Why not?"

"Because it's too hard," she informs you as her eyes fill with a certain sadness; a sadness that you often recognize when you look in the mirror. "Look Piper, I am trying to get my shit together. The last thing I need is for you to come in here and try to complicate things."

"I was just trying to be nice."

"Well then stop trying to be nice," she hisses at you, her eyes narrowing. "I thought you weren't a very nice person anymore."

You roll your eyes at her and she rolls hers back in perfect fashion. Alex reaches down to wipe away the stray liquid beside your glass. "Jesus Piper," she touches your arm, and that damn spark courses through your body. "What the fuck is that?"

"I thought you'd seen my tattoo before," you roll your eyes at her yet again. "It says trust no bitch, remember?"

"Not the tattoo," she runs her fingers over the word pain. "I was talking about this. What the fuck did you do?"

"I wanted to know what it felt like to inflict pain on myself because of all the pain I've caused others," you shrug nonchalantly, giving Alex your best stone-cold stare.

"Did it work?"

"No," you whisper as you pull your arm away from her grasp. "I guess I'm not capable of feeling emotions."

"You should probably go," she whispers as she pulls away from you, probably just realizing now that she is dangerously close to you.

"I'll see you around Alex," you respond with the kink of an eyebrow, placing some money on the table, and pulling yourself into a standing position.

You shoot Alex one last look as you step into the warm New York night. You feel a small smile spread across your face. Alex must still care about you or she wouldn't of seemed so concerned that you'd carved the word pain in your arm.

 _I feel like I'm 23 and no time has passed. Well, I think that when you have a connection with someone, it never really goes away, you know? You snap back to being important to each other because you still are._ You find yourself thinking of the conversation you and Alex had what seems like a lifetime ago now.

It amazes you that after all this time, you keep popping up in each other's lives. It must be fate. And the connection, it's never really faded. You find yourself feeling just as intensely about her as you always have.

You decide that you are not going to let her walk out of your life again. You are going to do whatever it takes to keep her in your life this time and you are never going to let her go again. You've already made that mistake once.

* * *

AN: Ahh so much Vauseman in this chapter. Hope you guys don't mind! I felt like after making everyone wait so long for them to reunite, I owed you all a strictly Vauseman chapter. And there will be plenty more in the next chapter as well! Thanks for the wonderful reviews yet again, they are giving me so much motivation to just want to write this story all of the time! I'm going on a string of 3 night shifts this weekend and hopefully will have plenty of time to crack more of this story out.


	5. Riptide

**PIPER POV**

You let out a loud groan as you slam the silver device on the countertop hard.

Who the fuck does your mother think she is?

You phone to ask her a simple question and she tells you that she thinks it would be best if you went to rehab because it sounds like you've been drinking _again_ _._

So maybe you've been drinking more than you usually do. But you can't help it that your life is shit right now.

You finish mixing yourself a drink and grab the bottle of pills from your purse, pulling 3 of them out and swallowing them down with the liquid.

Much better.

"What are ya doing?"

Sam walks up behind you and peers over your shoulder.

"Nothing," you smile tightly, dropping the bottle back into your purse.

Sam is quick to reach down and take the bottle in her hands, scanning the label. "Percocets Piper, really?" she questions, raising an eyebrow at you. "What is going on with you?"

"I've just had a lot of shit to deal with okay? Between Polly and Larry getting engaged, my mom being up my ass all the time, and seeing my ex-girlfriend again, it's been rough."

"You saw Alex?"

"She was at the café with Nicky the other day. And I went to the bar that she works at last night."

"So taking pain killers and drinking every single day is a good way of dealing with this shit that's going on in your life?" She gives you a pointed look.

"Of course not," you shake your head quickly. "But, I don't know how else to deal with it, okay?"

"Hey, it's okay," Sam whispers, gently rubbing your arm. "Maybe you just need to distract yourself from everything. Why don't we go out and do something fun together tonight?"

"Okay," you attempt to smile. "How about we go to Jamieson's? It's a little bar down the street from the café."

"Sure," Sam shoots you a soft smile. "But first, give me the pills," she holds her hand out expectantly.

You sigh before hesitantly handing the bottle over to your roommate.

"Thank you Piper," she whispers as she dumps the contents from the bottle down the sink. You watch as the pills swirl down the drain. "It's going to be okay," she reassures you as she embraces you in a hug. For the first time in a long time, you feel comforted and not so alone.

* * *

 **PIPER POV**

"This place is a dive Piper," Sam groans as you pull the door open and step inside the small bar. "What are we doing here?"

"It's really not that bad. Give it a try," you shrug as you shuffle inside. The place is almost empty, just as it had been a few days ago, save for the few creepy old men occupying the slot machines.

Sam follows you inside as you both settle onto a barstool. A bushy haired woman is sitting a few stools over.

"Chapman is that you?" a familiar husky voice calls and you smile when you turn to see that the other woman is Nicky Nichols, which must mean that Alex is working. Perfect.

"Hey Nichols," you offer a smile and a small nod. "How goes it?"

"Great," Nichols smirks as she takes a long sip of her drink. "This night is about to get interesting ."

"Hey Nicky, I'm sorry, I think we're out of…"

Alex appears from the cooler behind the bar and stops mid-sentence when she spots you sitting on the stool. "Jesus Piper, what the fuck are you doing here?"

"Having a drink and catching up with an old friend," you nod your head towards Nichols. "I'll take a margarita please."

"Who's that?" Alex jerks her thumb towards Sam, who you almost forget is sitting beside you.

"That's Piper's roommate," Nichols chimes in enthusiastically. "Remember the one I told you about? That I fucked that one time…" she smirks as she shoots Sam a flirtatious wink.

"Hmm," Alex hums, eyeing Sam skeptically before taking her drink order and turning around to prepare the beverages.

"Piper what is going on? I'm confused…" Sam leans over and whispers quietly.

"Bathroom now," you hiss quietly at Sam, excusing yourself from Nicky and Alex.

"Okay Piper, what the hell was that? Who is that woman?"

You take a deep breath and let it out slowly. "That was Alex."

"Alex?" Sam's eyes widen as she stares at you for a moment. "The ex-girlfriend?"

"Yes," you manage to whisper back.

"What are we doing here?" Sam asks as she eyes you suspiciously. "Oh my god Piper! You intentionally brought me here because you wanted to see her."

"I'm sorry Sam but I just… this whole moving on thing is way harder than I thought it would be," you admit quietly. "I was hoping that she would see me with you and get jealous maybe. It sounds stupid but I just…"

"Hey, it's not stupid," Sam smiles at you as she lifts your chin with a finger and forces you to look at her. "You and Alex have a history together and clearly you're still trying to figure your feelings out."

You follow Sam back to the bar and slide into your seat across from Nichols, who is giving you a weird look.

"What?" You snap, turning to look at the bushy haired blonde.

"Nothing," she laughs a little, taking her beer bottle, and bringing it to her lips. "Isn't it just ironic that you end up at Alex's bar of all places?"

You roll your eyes at Nicky and take a sip of your margarita. "It's not my fault, she makes a good margarita."

"Uh-huh... If that's your story," Nicky smirks, casting you a skeptical glance. "So Chapman, we never really got to talk the other day. How's life since Litchfield?"

 _Terrible._

"Great," you force the fakest of smiles as you catch Alex peer up from making a drink and cast you a glance. "I've had such wonderful support."

"Oh yeah?" It's Alex that raises an eyebrow this time. "You mean Carol and Bill?" she lets out a laugh.

"Actually," you hiss at her with venom staining your words. "They have been great. And I have Sam, who has been amazing at taking me under her wing and all of my friends from work."

You aren't sure why you find the need to lie to Alex. But, you don't want her to think that you have become this helpless wreck.

"How about you Alex?" You turn to the stunning bartender, your eyes focused on her emerald orbs. "Life become everything you hoped it would be?"

"Eh… it's been better," Alex admits slowly as she wipes the bar down. "Just trying to figure everything out, I guess."

"Been finding lots of women to keep your bed warm?" you ask almost bitterly as you take a sip of your drink, your gaze not leaving Alex's.

"That's really none of your business Piper," Alex grits her teeth angrily. You can practically feel her cracking right in front of you.

"I'll take that as a no."

"Girlfriends are overrated," Alex finally answers with the slightest of smiles. "Beside the best ones always fuck you over."

This feels vaguely reminiscent to you. Of that time when you'd both arrived at Litchfield and she made a similar comment to you.

"Yeah, you would fucking know, wouldn't you?" you growl back with a venomous hiss, slamming your drink down on the counter hard and pushing it forward for a re-fill.

"I seriously do not understand the two of you," Nichols finally pipes up from her spot beside you. "One minute you are so in love it's fucking sick and you are practically ripping each other's clothes off in the shower. And the next, you are hissing at each other and acting like you both hate one another, which we all know is bullshit."

"Fuck you Nichols." You and Alex both reply at the same time.

"When will you both just admit your feelings for each other, fall into bed, and move on from this whole act?"

"Seriously Nichols, shut the fuck up. You're crossing the line," Alex growls icily at the bushy-haired woman beside you.

"Maybe we should go Piper. This was a bad idea," Sam finally speaks quietly, reaching out and giving your hand a re-assuring squeeze.

"Yeah Piper," Alex retorts as she pushes her glasses further up on her nose. "You should go home with your girlfriend."

"She's not my girlfriend," you inform Alex firmly. "Why are you jealous?" you lean over the counter of the bar, completely aware that you are giving Alex a clear view of your ample cleavage. And you do not miss the way her eyes momentarily travel down towards your slightly exposed skin.

"Jealous?" Alex actually laughs at you. "That is just like you to assume that I'm jealous."

"You and I need to have a talk," you look between Alex and Nicky. "In private."

"I have nothing to say to you."

"Come on Al," you sigh tiredly, running a hand over your temple. "We need to talk about this; just once. If you decide you hate me or don't want me in your life anymore, I promise I'll stop coming around here."

You reach into your purse and find a pen, scribbling your phone number on a receipt. "Call me when you decide about having a chat over coffee. I promise I'll disappear afterwards if that's what you want. But I think we both owe this to one another."

You set the piece of paper on the bar, settle your bill, and send Alex a final smile before following Sam out of the bar, satisfied that you had left that bar with what you'd wanted; a jealous Alex and a way into her life again.

* * *

 **PIPER POV**

"I am so sorry," Sam whispers as she looks at you with empathetic eyes. "Seeing you and Alex together tonight, I realize how hard it must be for you. You two seemed to have this connection that is so rare."

"It's okay," you offer Sam a weak smile as you reach into the fridge and pour two glasses of wine, offering one to Sam.

"I can't imagine what it must be like to be going through all of this," Sam tells you as she slips onto the couch beside you. "I mean, I've been through a nasty break-up or two in my day but with you and Alex it seems like there is just so much history there."

"We have been through a lot together," You nod your head as you relish the taste of the wine, which is adding to the buzz that is already filtrating through your body. "It's very complicated for anyone to understand. I mean hell I don't even understand it sometimes."

"It's amazing really. How you have been able to get through all of this."

"Well I haven't exactly been alone," you admit as you set your wine glass down on the table and turn to look at Sam. "You have been such a great friend to me. And I can't thank you enough for that."

Sam looks into your eyes intensely and suddenly her demeanour changes. She scoots closer to you. "You see I've been doing some thinking," she gulps down nervously, reaching out and taking your hand in hers, gently rubbing circles along your palm. "Maybe we could be more than friends. I really like you Piper."

You don't know what to say. Sam is attractive, you will admit that. And she has been amazing to you these past few weeks. At first, you struggled to connect with her, because you didn't want to let her close to you. But ever since you started opening up to her, you definitely felt that you could trust her. Yet, you still don't feel any sort of spark when she touches you or looks at you. It certainly isn't like it was with Alex.

"Why?" you finally settle on as you train your eyes on her smouldering ones. "Why do you like me?"

"Your strength is amazing Piper," she admits as she brushes a strand of hair from your eyes. "At first I thought you were this really stuck-up, narcissistic person but as I've gotten to know you and see how vulnerable you are, it's made me realize just how beautiful you are. And how much I want to help you; help you get over Alex."

You aren't sure how to respond. You still maintain that Alex is the only person that can make you whole again. But Alex has made it clear that she doesn't want to be a part of your life anymore. You are just so conflicted right now.

"I'm sorry. I can't," you finally crack out slowly. "I'm just not ready to move into another relationship yet. I hope you understand."

Sam takes you by surprise at this moment. She leans in and gently brushes her lips across yours. The kiss is nice but you certainly don't feel that electricity shooting through your veins, that passion inhabiting your body.

She gently pulls away and stares into your eyes. "We don't have to be in a relationship. Those are overrated anyways. We could just be roommates with benefits."

She doesn't let you respond and presses her lips against yours again, more fervently this time. Still no spark. Yet, you find yourself deepening the kiss and combing your hands through her hair.

"Bedroom now," she whispers in between heated kiss.

She could be your pain killer. She could help you forget about Alex, right?

* * *

 **ALEX POV**

Two weeks have passed since you've seen Piper. It seems to be a rare occurrence since she started popping up in your life randomly.

You look at the piece of paper hesitantly as you start to press the numbers into your phone and save the contact.

As much as you don't want to face this; you know that it would be better for both of you. You need some sort of closure before you can move on from this and allow yourself to feel normal again.

 _Hey Piper. It's Alex. I'm free on Friday afternoon. Was just wondering if that invitation for a coffee date still stands?_

You don't expect a reply from the blonde so fast.

 _You asking me out on a date Vause?_

You roll your eyes at Piper's typical response as you find a small smile creeping across your face. You board the train and type a response back.

 _Not the most egotistical thing I've heard you say but I would say that's a pretty big assumption._

 _Would you mind coming to my apartment for coffee? I'm expecting a package that day and better be here to receive it._

You find yourself gulping a deep breath down. You aren't too sure how you feel about going to Piper's house.

 _That'll be fine. Just send me the address on Friday morning._

You and Piper continue to exchange little texts throughout the week. It feels normal again.

You'll never admit it but you sort of find yourself excited for Friday afternoon. And the thought of being in Piper's apartment seems to consume your mind all week too.

You find yourself shaking nervously as you stand in front of the door to apartment 2A. Piper had just buzzed you in and now you would get to confront your blonde ex-lover alone.

Piper answers the door and shoots you a warm smile as she leads you in. As she takes your coat, you can't help but steal a glance and notice just how good she looks. She's wearing tight jeans and a shirt that leaves little to the imagination. Piper seems to notice the way your eyes are focused on her. "Like what you see?" she kinks an eyebrow as she places your jacket on a chair and motions towards the table.

"Don't be so narcissistic," you scoff as you take a seat across from Piper at the table. She slides a pristine white mug of coffee in front of you. You take a sip and offer her a smile. "Much better than the prison coffee huh?"

She smiles genuinely and for the first time since you've seen her in the last six months, you catch a glimpse of the Piper that you fell in love with.

"So what did you want to talk about?" you ask nervously as you absentmindedly swirl the black liquid around in the mug.

"I lied to you the other day when I said that life was great," she admits, looking down at her mug, as if she is embarrassed. "Truth is, aside from Sam, I don't really have anyone."

"You're lonely?"

"Maybe," she shrugs, her eyes suddenly lifting from the floor. "I miss you Alex. I learned how to survive without you somehow. But, it fucking hurts. In prison, we had each other to get through all of the bad shit. And now being back in the outside world and losing the biggest support I had, I feel like I'm fucking drowning."

"Piper…"

"I know I fucked up any chance that I had with you," she cuts you off, a hint of regret swirling in her voice. "What I did. It was fucked up. I know that. And I am so sorry Alex. What will it take for you to forgive me? I'll do anything for you to make some peace with this."

A small tear slips from the corner of her eye and you desperately want to reach out and wipe it. This is the Piper that you miss. The vulnerable, raw, and real Piper. Not that power-hungry, egotistical woman.

"I forgave you a long time ago," you admit slowly, staring into her eyes as intensely as you can. "I was afraid of letting you in because I didn't want to get hurt again. We always hurt each other Piper. It's inevitable."

"It's amazing how after all this time, we can still have a conversation with such ease. It's like no time has passed. I've never felt more connected to someone."

"Piper…"

"I don't know how else to say it. But, I'm miserable without you Alex. I need you in my life," she responds quietly, and she gives you that look with those damn bambi eyes. "I've accepted that things may never be the same between us because of how badly I fucked up. But, truth be told, I'd rather have you in my life as a friend than not have you in my life at all."

"Piper," you shake your head as you feel yourself falling into her trap again. "You know we've never been able to be just friends."

"We've never really tried," she counters back as she takes a long sip of coffee. "Don't we owe it to ourselves to try?"

She does have a point. You've never really tried to be friends before. You look into her blue eyes and notice how broken they are, echoing the similar look that rests in your emerald orbs. Your eyes shift downwards and catch a glimpse of the word pain etched into the underside of her arm. You know that she is falling apart slowly at the seams, whether she'll admit it or not.

Maybe you are both broken. Maybe you need each other to fix the cracks and scars on your hearts.

"Alright," you surrender slowly, throwing her a soft smile. "So where does this leave us?"

"Well what do friends normally do?" she cracks you a smile and tilts her cup towards her lips.

"I don't know? Hang out?"

"Basically like we used to," a smile spreads across her face. "Without the sex and cuddling, of course."

"Piper." You give her a hard look.

"Sorry too soon?" she questions with a chuckle.

"Maybe we could start by hanging out with Nicky," you suggest with a shrug. "I mean, she's a friend to both of us. She'll probably make inappropriate comments about us but I think we can handle that."

Piper nods and lifts her cup towards yours. "Here's to being friends," she grins as the two mugs clink together.

* * *

 **ALEX POV**

You can't help but smile when you find yourself stopping in front of the apartment. You happen to be in the neighborhood and hadn't seen Piper in a few days. As your eyes look up, you find yourself feeling nostalgic and wondering what the blonde is doing right now. Being friends with Piper was easier than you'd initially thought it would be. You knew it would be hard. But, there are those rare moments where she gives you a glimpse of the real Piper, and it reminds you of the way that things used to be.

You find yourself walking up the stairs, armed with Chinese food, hoping that Piper will be home and the two of you can hang out.

You let out a heavy breath as you slowly bring your knuckles forward and rap them on the door.

A few moments go by and you almost feel defeated until you hear the sound of feet shuffling and the door unlocking from the other side.

Piper stands on the other side, hair a tangled mess, looking completely out of sorts.

"Alex. Hey," she rasps out, surprise gathering in her voice. "What are you doing here?"

You hold up the bag of Chinese food. "I was in the neighborhood, just got off work actually, and was hoping you'd be around to join me for dinner. But, you look busy, so I'll come back another time."

"Wait a second," she purses her lips together and gives you a weak smile. "If you just give me a minute, we can…"

"Piper, have you seen my underwear? I can't seem the find them anywhere." A voice calls out from the other side of the door. You feel a stab in your heart as the pain ripples through your body.

Sam, Piper's roommate, clad in only a robe appears beside Piper. "We have company?" she questions as she walks up behind Piper and snakes an arm around her waist. "Alex. Hey." You can almost swear you see a hint of smugness in her eyes and an air of conceit in her tone. You shouldn't be jealous. You are just friends with Piper. But there is something unsettling that stirs in the pit of your stomach at the sight of them together as your heart wrenches with this throbbing pain.

"I'll come back another time Piper," you manage to get out when you finally find your voice. "See you later." You quickly turn around and find yourself rushing down the hallway.

"Alex."

You turn around at the sound of Piper's gentle tone. "I'm sorry."

You look deep into her eyes and you see a certain brokenness swirling in the depths of them. You nod and turn your back on her, the pain cutting through you like a knife.

Once, you hit the sidewalk, you bend over and gasp for a breath of fresh air, feeling like someone just kicked you in the stomach. You need to get out of there fast.

You hail a cab quickly but you don't find yourself heading back to your own apartment. You find yourself standing outside of the apartment that belongs to Nicky Nichols, still clutching your bag of Chinese take-out.

You march up the steps to Nichols apartment, quickly rapping your knuckles on the door, and shouting out, "I'm in a fucking predicament Nichols. You need to get rid of whomever, you've got in there!"

Nichols throws the door open and shakes her head at you. "There's nobody in here but me. Jesus Vause, what the fuck is your problem, coming up here and pounding on my door?"

You step inside the apartment and fight every urge you have not to let the tears fall. "She's sleeping with someone else."

"Whoa, slow down Vause," she takes your jacket and leads you towards the living room. "Who is sleeping with someone else?"

"Piper."

Nichols looks at you for a moment, and then shakes her head. "You're not exactly in the position to be upset with her Alex. You aren't her girlfriend."

"I know," you moan out loudly as you run a hand over your forehead and put your feet up. "I just, I didn't imagine she would move on so quickly and with her roommate of all fucking people."

Nichols turns to you surprised. "Chapman's sleeping with the hot brunette? Damn Vause, she was a good lay. You've certainly got some competition." She digs into the bag of take-out. "You brought me ginger beef?"

"Nichols, you are not helping," you roll your eyes at her as she passes you a plate and you fill it with food, although you really aren't all that hungry again.

"I'm telling you Vause, you need to move on," she tells you in between bites of Chow Mein noodles and ginger beef. "I mean, I fucking miss Lorna like hell sometimes too, but the only thing that keeps me sane is keeping my bed warm constantly. Sitting here and moping about it wouldn't do me any good. And it certainly won't do you any good either."

"I know," you finally respond, looking up from your plate of food. "I just don't know how to move on, okay? I've been trying and just when I think things will finally be okay again, she shows up in my life and just has to complicate it." You can't help but wipe away the tear that falls from the corner of your eye. You hate crying. Especially in front of Nichols.

"Jesus Vause are you fucking crying?" she sets her food down and turns to you. "Things are really that bad huh?"

"It feels like everything is crashing down right now Nichols. I don't know how to explain it. And you know me, I'm not really good about talking about stuff. I just fucking hate her."

Suddenly you feel Nichols put her arms around you. "It's okay Alex," she whispers as she rubs circles on your back soothingly. "Let it all out."

You pull back and smile at her through the tears that slowly start to subside. "God, I must look like a wreck." You smile weakly at Nicky. "Thank you for being there for me. You've been the one person that has literally stuck by my side with all of this shit. So thank you."

"What are best friends for?" Nichols smirks as she picks up the remote and starts flipping through the channels, insisting that the two of you are going to settle on a good movie and eat ice cream.

You smile as you look over at Nichols from the corner of your eye. She has been the most amazing support in your life and you never want to lose that. But, you just need to feel something, anything. It has been so long since you've felt anything. And Piper clearly has plans of her own.

"What?" Nichols turns to you when she catches you staring at her out of the corner of her eye. "What are you looking at, creep?"

You roll your eyes at her habitually. "Do you ever think about that time?" you ask quietly.

"What time?"

"You know, that time we _comforted_ each other?"

"Oh yeah," she laughs as she continues flipping through the channels. "That was weird."

"I need to feel something," you whisper, taking the remote from her hand and letting it fall beside the couch. "Please?"

"Look Nichols, I lost the one person; hell the only person I could have ever imagined myself being with in the future because she stomped on my fucking heart. And now seeing that person move on and be happy with someone else that isn't you; that fucking sucks. It's just about comfort right? And I know you need comfort too because you understand what it's like to be in the same fucking position."

"Alex…"

"It wasn't awkward the last time we comforted each other. It's normal to want to feel comforted. It's not like there's any feelings involved. You know that just as well as I do."

You don't let Nichols respond; instead you lean over, and press your lips hard against hers. You try so hard to imagine that you are kissing Piper right now, and not Nicky.

You break away from Nichols and kink an eyebrow at her.

"Oh what the hell, it's just about comfort right?"

You nod as you look deeply into her eyes and notice the same brokenness that rests in yours. You didn't even realize it until now but Nicky Nichols is just as broken as you are. And she can be your pain killer for just one night, right?

* * *

 **Please don't hate me! I promise that this story has a specific direction I want to take it in and that this needed to happen in order for the plot to progress. Don't worry Sam won't be sticking around for very long. As for the Nicky/Alex angle, it does serve some importance in future chapters, and will certainly have its impact. There will also be some serious Vauseman coming up here very soon, and don't worry, we all know how good they are at staying just friends :) Also, I know I suck for taking so long to update but honestly I kind of struggled with this chapter and things have been crazy busy. Hopefully, if all goes smoothly, the next update will be much quicker.**


	6. House of Cards

**PIPER POV**

 **xxxx**

The look of brokenness on her face is still imprinted in your mind.

You can't escape the look of pain she shot your way when she saw you with Sam. It reminds you of the look she gave you when she saw you with Stella.

It's not like you and Alex are together anymore. You aren't doing anything wrong. Yet, you feel incredibly guilty about it.

"What do you think about this one?" Sam asks as she holds a short black dress out towards you. You are so consumed in your thoughts about Alex and what happened the other night that you can't seem to focus on the woman before you. You are sprawled out on Sam's bed as she goes through her clothes, deciding which ones to keep and which ones to get rid of.

"It's nice…" you trail off slowly but the dress is the last thing on your mind. You honestly couldn't tell if it was nice or butt ugly at this moment.

"Piper are you even listening to me?" Sam asks as she sets the dress down and sits beside you. "Because, I feel like you are a million miles away from me right now. What is going on?"

"I'm just so confused about Alex right now!"

"Oh," Sam lips draw a tight line as she casts a side-long glance at you. "I see."

"Did she look upset to you the other day when she showed up at the door and saw us together?"

"It probably isn't easy for her to see you with someone else," Sam shrugs as she takes your hand in her own and gently intertwines your fingers. "But, she has to accept that you are moving on eventually."

"But that's the thing Sam," you groan out as you run a hand tiredly over your temple. "I'm not entirely sure that I am moving on. Sometimes, I feel like I'm still stuck in the past with Alex, and when she's around it's like time seizes to exist."

"Wanna know my honest opinion?" Sam asks, garnering a nod in response from you. "I think you're struggling to move on because you haven't fully let go. Maybe you need to talk to Alex about everything and I don't know, get some closure or something."

"Maybe," you ponder as you gently draw circles on the pattern of the bedsheets with your fingertips. "I don't really know anymore."

"No… uh-uh," Sam stands up and shakes her head at you, hands flying to her hips. "You do not get to sit here and mope around. Come on get up," she holds her hand out and pulls you up to standing position, despite your protests. "We are going out," she informs you as she pulls you closer to her. "We can grab some dinner and then go dancing."

"Like on a date?" you question, kinking your eyebrow at her in question.

"Yes," falls from her lips effortlessly. "Like on a date."

"But that's not part of the rules," you mutter, aware of the way that her eyes are staring at you intensely right now.

"Rules aren't any fun," she whispers. You gulp as she speaks those words to you. It reminds you of the time that you and Alex tumbled so quickly and passionately in love. The night that you told her rules aren't any fun. Suddenly it makes you feel like maybe you and Sam are moving too fast and becoming too comfortable with each other.

"Sam I don't know…"

"One date," she grins at you. "If you don't like it, you can leave, and we don't even have to go on another date again," she chuckles as she air quotes the word date. "Besides, if you behave, I'll make it worth your while later," she whispers hotly against your ear, leaning in and placing a long, lingering kiss on your lips. "I'll be in the shower," she smirks as she pulls away and heads in the direction of the bathroom, hips swaying seductively as she saunters away.

"Do I have any other choice?" you groan out sarcastically with the roll of your eyes.

Brewing deep in the pit of your stomach is an unsettling feeling. You shouldn't feel guilty about going out with someone else. Especially someone that has been so amazing to you in your time of need. And you know that you definitely could have a really strong connection to Sam… if you weren't still in love with someone else.

* * *

 **ALEX POV  
XXXX  
**

The music vibrates through the walls of the club. The place is a full house tonight, bodies crammed tightly in the small venue.

You aren't sure how you let Nichols talk you into going out for a few drinks after work.

"We should probably talk about what happened the other night," Nichols finally breaks you from your thoughts as she slides a gin and tonic in front of you.

"Do we have to?" you groan, bringing your drink to your lips, and taking a long sip. "Because I'd rather not."

"Well for the sake of our friendship, we probably should."

"I don't know what came over me Nichols," you admit slowly, refusing to look at Nichols, who is smirking at you in the most condescending of ways right now. "It's just been really fucking hard lately, and I have needs that I haven't been able to fulfill."

"If I didn't know any better, I'd say you were into me," Nichols smirks as she wiggles her eyebrows at you.

"Gross," you roll your eyes in typical fashion. You are definitely not into Nicky Nichols in that way. She is your best friend. "It was just plain awkward."

"Tell me about it," Nichols nods her head in agreement. "No offense. I'm not saying you're not attractive Vause but you're not really my type."

"I thought female was your type," you retort back playfully, glad that there is no awkwardness between you and Nichols.

"Hey, I take offense to that!" Nichols feigns hurt as she playfully nudges you in the shoulder. "But seriously Vause, what happened between us is obviously related to Piper. The other time we comforted each other was because you were feeling lonely and angry with Piper. And whether you choose to see it that way or not, this time was too. Man, you gotta find a better way of dealing with your shit!"

"Gotta love a piece of wisdom from Nicky Nichols," you laugh as you raise your glass as if you are toasting her.

"But seriously Vause, you should probably talk to Piper. You can't avoid her forever."

"I can try right?"

"Excuse me," Nichols mutters as her eyes wander towards an attractive Italian-American woman that walks by. "Now that is my type!" You roll your eyes at your friend. "May I?"

"Go ahead," you laugh. "I have to use the bathroom anyways.

Nicky is already licking her lips and strategically walking over to the woman as a chuckle escapes your lips and you propel your feet towards the bathroom.

You find your body collide with that of another hard body on your way into the bathroom.

"I'm sorry," you quickly apologize once you realize that you've run into someone.

"S'ok," a voice that sounds vaguely familiar replies back at you. You look up and find yourself staring into the eyes of Sam, Piper's elusive roommate. "Alex," her lips curl up into a Cheshire-Cat like grin that nearly makes your skin crawl when she realizes that it is you that she has run into. "Fancy running into you here."

"Ironic isn't it?" you grumble as you push your way inside the bathroom and open your purse to apply some more eyeliner.

You realize that Sam is still standing behind you when you look up into the mirror. "Can I help you?" you bite out with a hint of venom tainting your voice as you turn towards the woman behind you.

"Stay away from Piper," she responds back icily as she drums her fingers along the counter. "I'm not blind. I see the way you look at her. Maybe you don't realize it but she's over you. That's why she is with me."

"Piper and I are just friends," you respond back stoically. "Why, are you threatened by our history?"

"Please," she scoffs with the roll of her dark eyes. "Jealous of you? That's an awfully big assumption. You see, I've been there for Piper this whole time that she has been dealing with her difficult emotions and you haven't. I'm the one that gets to go home to her every night, so why would I be jealous of you and her?"

"Well," you feel your tongue click as a slight laugh falls from between your lips. "Perhaps the reason you and Piper haven't intensified your relationship yet is because she doesn't feel the same way as you do."

"Good things come to those who wait," she shrugs with an evil glint forming in the depths of her eyes. "Stay the fuck away from her."

"No," you shove her against the wall and shoot her a hard look. "You better stay the fuck away from her. Piper deserves someone better than you."

You let go of Sam and she scrambles away towards the door. "Just because you are angry that she doesn't want you anymore, doesn't give you the right to say that she deserves someone better than me. Nobody will ever treat her better than me. Not even you."

With that she's gone.

Piper's roommate is crazy, you decide. And you hope to god that for her own sake, Piper realizes this sooner rather than later.

* * *

 **PIPER POV**

 **XXXX**

You sit alone on the couch, nursing a glass of wine, and watching the evening news. Sam has left for the weekend to see her parents and you find yourself feeling incredibly lonely as your mind drifts towards a certain raven-haired beauty and how all of the important moments in your life seem to revolve around her.

There are three moments in your life where your world and everything in it completely changed. First, when you met Alex all of those years ago and dove into a torrid but dangerous love affair. Second, when you left Alex in Paris all of those years ago and truly felt your heart break for the first time. And third, when you found out that you were going to prison, which although not exactly desirable brought you back to the one person that you stupidly let go of.

" _Larry can you get the door?" you call out sweetly as you fiercely chop away at the onion in front of you. You aren't much of a cook but you are excited to celebrate your newest business endeavor with Larry, which has given you the inspiration and motivation to prepare a home-cooked meal._

" _Piper?" Larry croaks out, his voice shaky and barely audible. "Can you please come here?"_

 _You can't help but sense that something is wrong. Horribly wrong. A million thoughts start running through your mind as you set the onion down and wipe your hands gingerly on a dish rag._

 _You turn the corner and can imagine the complete shock that encompasses your face when you see a police officer standing at your door with Larry._

 _Instantly, you feel a deep unsettling feeling brew in the pit of your stomach._

" _Larry…" you crack out slowly. "Is everything alright? Is everyone okay?" You feel yourself going into complete panic mode._

" _Piper Chapman?" the police officer nods at you. You look back and forth in between him and Larry._

" _What the hell is going on?"_

" _You are under arrest for drug crimes associated with a Mr. Kubra Bolik," he responds hardly, his face encasing no sign of emotion._

 _If you weren't feeling completely panicked before, you are now._

 _The officer steps towards you with a pair of handcuffs. "You have a right to remain silent. Everything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law…" the officer begins reading you the Miranda rights._

" _Piper, what is going on?" Larry panics as the officer places the handcuffs around your wrists, tightening them, and shackling your wrists. You have never been this frightened in your entire life, not even when you were transporting that drug money for Alex._

 _Alex. You instantly think of your brunette ex-lover. How could she do this to you? How could she take away this good life that you've created for yourself?_

" _Larry, you need to call your father immediately and meet me at the police station," you tell your boyfriend. "I'll explain everything later."_

 _You are then hauled off and thrown rather roughly in the back of a police car, while Larry stands there, with a completely stunned look on his face. But then again, you supposed if you witnessed your girlfriend being arrested and handcuffed for drug –related crimes, especially when you know absolutely nothing about her sordid past, you would be completely and utterly stunned too._

 _The next few hours are complete hell. You are interrogated by a police officer, although you refuse to say anything until you can speak with your lawyer._

 _Larry and his dad show up at the police station, and you have the chance to speak with his father. You come clean to him about everything in your past and he just sits there completed shocked like Larry had been. Larry's father advises you to self-surrender because you will most likely get a much shorter sentence that way as opposed to going to trial._

 _When you are released, you throw your arms around Larry, and pull him into a tight embrace._

" _Pipes, what the hell?""_

" _I'll tell you in the car," you tell him sourly, feeling like your world is about to shatter. Surely, Larry will abandon you now too._

 _Larry grips the steering wheel so tightly, you swear his knuckles are turning white. "You've got some explaining to do," he whispers gently, casting you a side-long glance._

" _Ten years ago, I carried a suitcase of drug money for a man named Kubra Bolik; once. And now, I am being sentenced to time in a federal penitentiary for it."_

" _You carried a suitcase of drug money?" Larry's eyes widen as he slams on the brakes and turns to you incredulously. "Why?"_

" _I did it for love."_

" _Piper…"_

" _You don't understand Larry," you whisper brokenly, feeling a tear gently slip from the corner of your eye. "I was 23 years old and I just wanted to feel special and bad. I fell in love with an international drug importer and I travelled the world with Alex. I only carried money once. I left Alex in Paris shortly after, because, the realization that my life was heading in a dangerous direction fast hit me. And, I started re-building my life. I never imagined that it would come back to haunt me now."_

" _You must have really loved this Alex guy if you carried drug money for him," Larry attempts to lighten the mood as he wipes at the tears under your eyes._

" _Actually," you whisper almost inaudibly. "Alex is a she."_

 _You see shock cross Larry's face for the second time tonight. "You were a lesbian?"_

" _Bi-sexual," you correct him with the slight roll of your eyes. "And yes Larry, I was in a relationship with a woman."_

" _So let me get this straight," Larry shakes his head as he tries to comprehend everything that is being thrown his way. "You were in a relationship with a lesbian drug-importer and you carried money for her? And now, you are facing time in prison because of some mistake you made years ago?"_

" _Yes Larry. That is correct."_

" _Wow Pipes that is…"_

" _Fucked up?" you turn to him bitterly. "Yeah, I know."_

" _I was going to say a lot to take in," Larry cuts in as he places a hand on your cheek gingerly. "You made a mistake Piper."_

" _How can you be so accepting of this?" you turn to Larry and give him a confused look. "I tell you that I'm going to prison because I carried drug money for my lesbian ex-lover and you aren't mad at me?"_

" _What else am I going to do Piper?" Larry asks as he shakes his head quickly. "It doesn't change the fact that I love you."_

 _A moment of silence slips by and Larry reaches out, placing his hand in yours and intertwining your fingers. "It's okay Piper. We are going to figure this out, okay?"_

" _You aren't leaving me?" There it goes again, your fear of being alone, is already kicking in and Larry hasn't even left you let._

" _No."_

 _As Larry wraps his arms around you in a tight embrace, you feel yourself overcome with tears as the reality of your world shattering around you comes crashing down._

" _So, you're really going to prison huh?" he looks at you for a moment and fear flashes in his eyes. "What are you most scared about?" he questions as you cautiously nod your head._

" _Honestly?" you look at him and feel your heart break slowly. "I'm most afraid of the possibility of seeing Alex again after all these years."_

 _And you aren't lying. You are terrified of the fact that your path will probably collide with that of Alex's. You will most likely run into her at some point, as you will both have to testify against Kubra at his very own trial. But what you neglect to tell Larry is that, the reason you are most scared of Alex, is because you are scared of what you will feel for her if you have to see her again after all these years. You always have a hard time resisting temptation, especially when it comes to Alex Vause, and she has this certain hold over you that nobody else has or ever will._

 _You never imagined that you would run into Alex as quickly or as frequently as you had. And as you had suspected, no matter how hard you tried to resist temptation when it came to Alex, you could not._

 _And in that moment, you realized that Alex Vause is inevitable to you. And she probably always would be._

 _END FLASHBACK_

As you break yourself from your thoughts, you find yourself doing the unthinkable.

 _Hey, can we talk?_ You press the words into your phone and send them. You are focused on what Sam had said to you earlier and you find yourself deciding that you need to talk to Alex. You need to figure out what you are feeling right now. You need to figure out if you are just lonely, or if you really do want to be with Alex Vause again.

 _Ok. Talk._

You shake your head at Alex's reply and furiously type your own response back.

 _I meant face to face. Come over._

Alex responds almost instantly. _I don't think that's a very good idea Piper. I don't want to interfere with you and Sam._

The elephant in the room, of course. _Sam isn't my girlfriend, you know? And she is gone for the weekend. Please? I wanna talk to you._

You are completely aware that you sound a little whiny right now. But, you have to talk to Alex. You need to talk to Alex. For your own sanity.

 _How could I say no? I guess, I will see you soon, friend._

Friend. Your heart sinks when you read the word aloud. And it makes you think that this conversation is going to be a difficult one. Because, you are fairly certain that Alex does not want the same things that you do.

You decide to clean as you wait for Alex to come over. Your apartment definitely looks like a bomb went off in it. Empty alcohol bottles litter the table, along with empty take-out boxes. A collection of DVD's are spread out across the living room floor. Dishes are spilling out of the sink. And clothes are literally strewn across the entire floor. That would definitely not make a good impression.

When you hear the much-awaited for knock on your door, you find yourself checking your appearance over in the mirror.

"Alex," you smile at the beautiful brunette as you pull the door open. "Come in." You offer her a friendly hug but don't miss how her body tightens when you put your arms around her. You can't deny the spark that ripples through your entire body either. You take her leather jacket and offer her a drink.

"Here," you set the glass of wine in front of Alex and settle across from her on the couch. "Thanks for coming over."

"No problem," she grins at you as she takes a sip of wine. "What did you want to talk about?"

"We need to talk about what happened with Sam the other night."

You notice Alex gulp and exhale a deep breath as if she doesn't want to brush the subject. "I'm really sorry that you had to see that."

"Piper it's fine, really," she waves you off with her hand but you don't miss the strangled smile that she forces out.

"I know you Alex. I know you," you remind her sourly as you take a long sip of your wine. "And you were not okay with it."

"Piper we aren't together. What you choose to do, or rather who you choose to do, is really none of my business." You don't miss the bitterness that taints her voice. "But quite frankly I don't like Sam."

"Alex," you sigh loudly. You did not anticipate this conversation being this difficult. "I don't want to hurt you because god knows, I've done enough of that already. If you want me to end things with Sam, I will."

"I want you to be happy," Alex forces another strangled smile. "And if Sam makes you happy, then that makes me happy."

"Alex you are my friend," you respond quietly, shifting your eyes towards her dark green orbs, and setting your wine glass down on the table. "And contrary to what you might think, your opinion does matter to me. And, I want you to tell me what you were feeling when you saw Sam and I together. It's important for us to be able to have these conversations with each other if we want to have a successful friendship."

"Honestly," she looks at you after a moment of contemplation. "It was hard seeing you with her. It is hard to watch someone that you used to be so sure was the love of your life with someone else. It reminded me of seeing you with Stella. I'm not going to lie to you Piper, I will always have some sort of romantic feelings towards you, and watching you be intimate with someone else is not easy. Maybe one day that will change but for now it is what it is."

"I'm sorry Alex," you whisper as you lift your wine glass and take a long swig. "I don't want to hurt you."

"I know you don't. And I'm okay. I would never want you to jeopardize something that makes you happy because I'm having a hard time accepting it. I just really don't like her."

"Any particular reason you don't like her besides the fact that we occasionally have sex?"

Alex rolls her eyes at you in typically fashion, forcing a small smile to escape your lips. "I ran into her in the bathroom at a club the other night. And there was just something unsettling about the way she talked about you. I don't know, like you were some sort of property that she owned."

You slowly nod your head, surprised to hear about this jealous side of Sam that you have not yet seen. "I'm not trying to make excuses for her or anything like that but she probably just feels threatened by what we had because our history is just so…"

"Deep," Alex finishes for you as she polishes off her glass of wine.

"Yes."

You fix both you and Alex another glass of wine.

"You know, I like talking to you Alex," you grin widely as you hand her the glass and settle yourself down on the couch again. "I never thought being friends with you would be this easy but it's just like it used to be between us without the sex and intimacy of course."

"I like talking to you too Pipes," you whispers, and you feel your heart soar when she refers to you by your old nicname. "And I really like seeing you smile again. You have such a beautiful smile but lately, I haven't seen it very much."

"It's a work in progress," you shoot her another dazzling smile. Maybe, she hasn't seen it very much because nobody can make you smile quite like she can. You have a certain smile that is reserved only for her.

You continue to laugh and talk with Alex until you realize that it is almost 2 o'clock in the morning and between the two of you, you have polished off 2 bottles of wine.

It's amazing actually, how natural this all feels, how comfortable you are.

"It's getting late. I should probably go," Alex whispers when you let out a loud yawn. "And besides someone is getting a little sleepy."

"You don't have to go," you whisper, feeling the buzz from the alcohol vibrating through your body.

"I know. But, I probably should."

"You've had too much to drink. I'm not letting you walk."

"I'll take a cab then," she smirks at you as she pulls herself to a standing position. "If that'll make you feel better."

"Waste of money," you tell her matter-of-factly. "Beside it's late and you look sleepy too. You can stay here."

"Are you sure?"

"I'll bunk in Sam's room. You can have mine," you shrug as you pull yourself in a standing position. "Unless of course you want to have a sleepover?"

Alex kinks an eyebrow at you. "Are you trying to seduce me, Piper Chapman?"

"Me?" You pretend to be shocked. "Never."

"Goodnight Piper," she laughs, sending you a genuine and warm smile, as she disappears behind your bedroom door. "You better not sneak in here and grope me in my sleep."

"Please," you roll your eyes at her habitually. "I should be the one worried about being defiled in my sleep by you."

* * *

 **ALEX POV**

 **XXXX**

It's only been one hour since you lied down but you find yourself tossing and turning as you hear a crack of thunder in the distance.

It makes you jolt up in bed when you remember that Piper is terrified of thunder and lightning, always has been.

Like clockwork, you hear the sound of soft footsteps on the floor as Piper shuffles into the bathroom across the hall from her bedroom.

"Pipes?" you call out softly.

"Yeah?"

"Come here."

Piper is standing at the foot of your bed a mere few seconds later. "Still scared of the thunderstorms?"

"Maybe," she offers a weak smile. "But, I'm a big girl. If I can survive prison, I'm sure I can survive a thunderstorm," she chuckles lightly. "Goodnight Alex."

"Piper?"

"Yeah?"

"C'mon," you whisper through the darkness, pulling the blankets back and patting the spot beside you as you scoot over close to the edge.

"Are you sure?" she looks at you cautiously.

"I wouldn't offer if I wasn't sure."

Piper slips into the spot next to you and you find yourself swallowing the lump that has gathered in your throat as she swings her shapely legs over the side of the bed. Damn her for only wearing a pair of underwear and an oversized shirt to bed. Is she trying to kill you?

This feels so normal.

"Goodnight Pipes," you whisper, rolling over on your side away from her.

A few minutes go by and the sound of Piper breathing lightly beside you has almost sent you into slumber.

"Hey Alex, are you still awake?"

"Yea, kid."

"Can I ask you something?" she whispers quietly.

"Sure," you whisper back, turning on your side to face her.

She reaches towards you and gently touches your hand, taking it in hers and intertwining your fingers. A completely electric spark jolts throughout your entire body. "Do you feel that too?"

"Piper…" you whisper as you look into her bambi eyes. "You can't do that."

She slides her body closer to you and touches your face with her hand. You close your eyes momentarily and slowly open them as you swallow the lump in your throat that gathers when she touches you. She moves even closer and gently slides an arm around your waist, making you shiver at the contact, as your body freezes. She moves her face closer to yours and gently brushes her lips against yours. "Do you feel that?" she whispers when she breaks the contact.

"I can't answer that."

She presses her lips against yours again, more fervently this time. You deepen the kiss as her tongue runs along your bottom lip, begging for entrance, which you grant her. Your hands reach up and tangle their way through her luscious blonde locks as you both fight for control.

Suddenly you snap back to reality. That's how it always is with you and Piper; a fight for power and control.

"Make love to me," she whispers when you pull away. You have never wanted to complete her request more as she looks at you with those blue eyes that you've come to love so much.

But, you can't. It wouldn't be right.

"No."

"Please?"

"You're drunk," you whisper quietly. You tasted the alcohol on her lips and you know that she is not thinking clearly right now. And neither are you. "And so am I."

"So, you would if we hadn't drunk anything tonight?"

"No," you shake your head slowly. "We aren't together Piper."

"That didn't stop you before," she counters back, rightfully so.

"Things are different now," you whisper breathlessly. It kills you to turn her down like this. But, you have to make the right choice. You do not know what you are feeling right now. And deep down, you know she doesn't either. If it's meant to be, the time will happen, when it is meant to. But that's up to fate to decide. Not you.

"Do you not want me?" She looks so broken when she says this. And you feel your heart break a little bit.

"Piper," you whisper through the darkness, placing your hand over hers. "I will always have a connection to you and a part of me will always feel completely attracted to you. Hell, a part of me will even always love you, and there will always be a part of my heart that no one else can touch because you already own it. It's not that I don't want you. We are not ready for this. I certainly don't know what I'm feeling and I don't think you do either. If fate decides that it will happen, it will happen. But, we can't force ourselves to do something that we might regret later."

"I never regret anything when it comes to you."

"That still doesn't change anything," you tell her honestly. "We had a good thing going Piper. Why would you want to mess that up?"

"I don't know," Piper answers after a moment. "I just got you back in my life again and I don't want to lose you. I just want to feel something; anything."

"Doesn't Sam make you feel anything?"

"No," Piper shakes her head. "I've never felt electricity with anyone but you. Alex, you are the only person, who can make me feel something real."

"I'm sorry Piper."

She lets out a small yawn and you chuckle at her. "Besides, you sound like you need to sleep."

"Can you hold me?" she asks quietly, almost inaudibly. "Just for tonight?"

"Piper…" You know that would be a bad idea. And so does she.

"I'm so broken," she whispers, allowing you to catch a glimpse of the vulnerable and raw Piper that you loved so deeply. "I just need someone to make me feel whole again. Even if it's just temporary."

You know what she means. You feel the exact same way sometimes.

Your head is telling you no.

Your heart is telling you yes.

With Piper, your heart always wins.

You reach out and pull her body closer to yours, securely wrapping your arm around her waist and intertwining your fingers.

Piper closes her eyes and tries to allow sleep to overcome her. "Why do you always feel so inevitable to me?" she whispers quietly as she slowly drifts off into slumber, wrapped in the warmth of your arms.

As Piper drifts off into sleep, you think of the word inevitable and what it means to both of you. There are so many moments in your relationship where you have felt the impact of that word.

 _You are on a beach in Belize, walking along the sand hand in hand with Piper Chapman._

 _There is a part of you that still can't believe you have found love in the most unexpected of places. There is also still a part of you that doesn't believe you deserve to be loved by someone like Piper Chapman either._

" _The sunset is so beautiful," Piper grins that adorable grin of hers when the two of your finally stop and sit down on the isolated beach._

 _You wrap your arms around her frame as she sits in between your legs. "You're beautiful."_

 _She twists in your arms and leans her head back to place a gentle kiss on the side of your neck. "You know, I've never felt so connected to someone before."_

" _Sometimes you just meet someone and you know they are the right person."_

" _I love you," she whispers, brushing her fingertips ever so lightly along your arms._

" _I love you too," you whisper back, a smile spreading its way across your face._

" _How did you know you were in love with me?" The question takes you by surprise, but you find yourself smiling at it nonetheless._

" _Honestly," you answer with a smile. "You just know when you meet that person that you know will change your life for the better. I've never wanted to change for someone else before. I've never wanted to be a better person for someone else. But, you make me want to be a better person every day."_

" _I'm scared," Piper admits as she twists in your arms and turns around to face you. "I'm scared of the way you make me feel. Nobody has ever made me feel this way. And I'm scared that one day, I'll wake up and realize that you want different things than I do. You always feel so inevitable to me."_

 _END FLASHBACK  
_

"You'll always be kind of inevitable to me too, kid," you whisper into the darkness, even though Piper is fast asleep beside you.

You let out a deep sigh. You know you are in trouble this time. Resisting Piper is going to be a lot harder than you've ever imagined it would be.

You are not supposed to feel so strongly about someone that you are not supposed to be with.

* * *

AN: Sorry for the long wait, I didn't anticipate it would take this long but this past week has been a crazy busy one too. To make up for my suckiness on updating, I tried to include as much Vauseman as I could in this chapter, to give you guys a little hope. Things are starting to progress now. There's a few more things that need to happen but I promise that all in good time, there will be a major Vauseman twist that I think you are all going to love coming up soon in a few chapters. Hopefully all the suspense will be worth the wait! This chapter also has a lot more fluff in it than past chapters have because you will also start to notice that the darkness of this story will start to fade away as Vauseman's relationship grows stronger. Please let me know what you all think!


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